Phew, what about that Horizon Zero Dawn huh? It’s some game right? All those dinosaurs tearing up that rich, vibrant world replete with exploratory tangents to satisfy even the most hardy of adventurers. I’d like to express the overwhelming joy and fluttering anticipation I get from scavenging resources gathered from the shrapnel of these prehistoric replication’s. How I’ve finally realised my “Game of Thrones” fantasy by coming inside ygritte…..I mean playing with Ygritte…..playing as Ygritte, as Ygritte! Or portraying a version of her at least. A strong versatile female that I wouldn’t dare objectify with demeaning misogynistic remarks, that has successfully overcome her hereditary infirmity of being ginger. I’d like to tell you just how much I’m enjoying my time with this PlayStation exclusive, but I can’t. You see the online retailer that I had purchased said game from (for argument’s sake let’s call them “zamazon”) have chosen to enlist the services of their preferred distribution partners, one that rhymes with “Foil Grail”. Of course being the trustworthy and dutifully reliable company that they are my copy didn’t arrive. It is instead currently residing in some storage compartment at my local postal distribution centre, which is mere minutes from my home but isn’t accessible until the morning. Apparently their very singular religious beliefs mean that they don’t believe in letter box’s nor the concept of posting packages through these heinous zealots of Satan!
So thank you “Boil Bail”, I salute your tireless pursuit to disappoint customers up and down the country. You truly are an institution to be preserved and continue to be the primary advocate for independent delivery service.