Friends Like These.

One of my best friends in school was a renowned bullshitter. He was notorious for fabricating some our years most incredulous, though mostly benign stories. For the purposes of discretion, the anonymity of any known acquaintances, and more specifically the identity of this pathological liar, I’ll refer to him as “Brian”. Brian was an amiable guy, not particularly bright nor an exceptionally charming in his demeanour, but harmless. Brian was one of the few people I knew that could engage in long, meandering conversations that were derived from a truth, yet completely distorted by lies. Tales embellished by details so absurd that substantiating the veracity of his claims was a largely a futile endeavour. Evidenced by other more credible testimony that conflicted with his own dubious assertions. He expressed these exaggerations with such a confident swagger and genuine sincerity that you could never bring yourself to question him. But beneath the eccentric declarations and masculine bravado was a sensitive kid that simply wanted to be liked. Desperate to be admired by his peers for who he was. I’d always admired certain qualities of his, especially his integrity as a friend. I recall not doing my science homework, an all too common occurance I’m ashamed to admit, resorting to desperately copying his homework almost word for word, with Brian being punished for replicating my homework! But he never confessed to it. Never ousted me as the forger, but merely laughed at the absurdity of it all.

Throughout school, along with a couple of other degenerates, we formed an unshakable bond, with Brian’s lies being the catalyst for our little school yard menagerie. Brian was essentially Bethesda, except I could rely on him on occasion. We’d listen to his frivolous anecdotes, comparing details and deriving any salient information from his overly rehearsed routines. Most infuriating about him was the way in which he could attract women. It was simply uncanny. Unfair even! He also possessed this uncanny aptitude for getting us into trouble. On more than one occasion I found myself in the middle of some sort of psychical altercation, simply because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut! And I am not a war like person. Yet despite his misguided efforts to solicit respect from his peers, our reliance on his unreliability was really the nucleus of our social group. We bonded over the absurdity of his declarations, waiting to discover what ludicrous situation he had found himself in when we weren’t around. He wasn’t always the easiest person to socialise with, and certainly didn’t help himself with his elaborate tales. But he enjoyed being around people, even if he didn’t always relish his own company.

Its true that you never have the same friends you had at school, though that’s probably a good thing. He annoyed me more than I’d care to mention, provoking the ire of many of my classmates. We drifted apart after school however, with his shenanigans a far less endearing gimmick when you’re in your 20’s. But even though school was over half my life ago I still treasure those times, even though one the most galling aspects of my friendship (the lies) is somehow my most treasured.

Just Stop With The Uncharted Movie…..Please!

Okay, it’s finally happened. The interminable “Uncharted movie” has reached peak “what the fuckery?!” with this incredulous casting. Markey Wahlberger, once designated to play the role of Nathan Drake, has instead been cast as Sully, Nates friend and tutor. In essence the film has taken so long to be made that he is now old enough to play the mentor of the character he could have been playing nearly a decade ago! At which point between the innumerable directors that have abondened the project, as well as the revolving door of horribly miscast actors and screenplay alterations do you just accept defeat, simply put the whole sordid business down to experience and just move on to the next poorly realised video-game adaptation, conceived within the corporate maelstrom of financial exploitation and conceptual ignorance? A rather expansive and convoluted question I’ll grant you, but not one that can be answered by casting Marky Mark!

I’ve always maintained that if an Uncharted movie has to be made then Bruce Campbell would be the only sensible choice to portray the cigar chomping patriarchal treause hunter. Who else could escort a hooker to church with the same beguiling groove? Markey’s attachment to the project, in any capacity is frankly insulting. If we’re honest we already have an Uncharted movie, 5 of them if you include Chloe’s extension to the series, which you most definitely should. A cinematic interpretation of Uncharted is like adapting “Raiders of The Lost Ark” into a novel: Sure it could be done, but why would you want to when the spectacle of the story is already encapsulated, besides money of course. You can’t get blood from a stone and cinema certainly can’t make Uncharted anymore cinematic than it already is.

Stop. Just stop!

Why I’ve Never Been Interested By Game Development.

Jaws is one of my all time favourite movies. I discovered this when devising a complex algorithm, you couldn’t possibly understand, that could calculate the specific set of parameters required to determine the perfect movie. Jaws matched that criteria. Encompassing a variety of qualities and depth often reserved for more opulant cinematic experiences, Jaws is a thriller with assured performances, singular direction from a filmmakers sophomore theatrical release, imbued with an iconic score and populated with actual humans that resonate on a personal level. Sure “Bruce” is about as realistic as a Conservative manifesto, but its what you don’t see that makes it such a suspenseful and effective thriller. I can quote a plathora of diologue with emphatic precision, much to the chagrin of my colleagues and partner. If I’m channel surfing and I come across it, regardless of where it is in the story, I have to watch it. I was even lucky enough to experience this glorious piece of cinema in all of its “Amity” glory at the theater a few years ago. I became fascinated by its production, watching documentaries that detailed the rigerous adversities that plagued its production. Watching interviews, behind the scenes footage. Seeking every nuanced anecdote or obscure trivia concerning its making just so I could retain this knowledge and recite it to anyone and everyone. You’d think that this kind of fanatical intrigue would be applicable to gaming, my preferred means of entertainment. But honestly I’ve never really taken a keen interest into the complexities of video game design.

There should be something inherently fascinating about the creative process. An intrigue into the manifestation of a concept and how its gestation from idea to development came to fruition. Yet for some inexplicable reason the intricacies that goes into the development process, the anecdotal yarns of those intimately tethered to the project is infinitely less desirable. Perhaps its the immersion. Arresting a disassociation from the product you’ve spent hours enveloped in isn’t really that interesting. Reconciling that detachment between the labour and the outcome of a game is difficult when the game requires a greater investment on personal participation. A movie is more relaxed. Sure the tone of film is to illicit a specific emotion, fear for instance, but its still a vicarious experience. With a game the emphasis is on you being the character. You saving the world from whatever generic menace threatens to conquer/destroy “insert fantasy world here”.

To me there is no production. No behind the scene gossip. No crunch times and delays. Its real. The protagonist, the story, is all being experienced for the first time by me, not a pre-determined set of circumstances and variables designed to create the illusion of autonomy. Personally I don’t think this is a bad way of looking at things.

Everyone Disliked That Bethesda!

The world has witnessed and endured some truly mind boggling shit in it’s long and illustrious existence: Dozens of extinction events. Global, environmental degradation. Agricultural plights. Famines. Pestilence. War. Coldplay. Michael Bay movies. A Donald Trump presidency. Liquorice. Automated soap dispensers. Country and/or Western and a Lance Armstrong autobiography that attributes his success to “hard work”. Yet, through sheer perseverance to be publicly revered as the world’s most incompetent game developer, Bethesda, despite a myriad of equally inept competitors, have out done them all. Surmounting the most staggering ascent to the peak of mount “Everyone Disliked That”. Out of all of the confounding decisions made by Bethesda over the years, the decision to implement private servers, as well as other exclusive incentives in a game that by its very nature propegates a social, interactive experience, is probably the most baffling. And quite possibly the most brazen act of sabotage ever committed by a video game developer.

“Fallout 1st” is a premium subscription service that uniquely affords Fallout 76 users access to private servers, as well as other exclusive content for a modest £12 monthly excess. That’s an annual £144 surplus for an open world game, requiring permanent online connection to play, but now with the added support of being a traditional single player Fallout game. You know, the ones that didn’t need to be constantly anchored to a WiFi router! This contradictory philosophy would be alarmingly neglectful if it wasn’t so hopelessly redundant. Seriously, this might be the most absurd, insulting and egregious waste of everybody’s time. You’d think that the extensive issues Fallout 76 has suffered since launch would have prompted some contrition from Bethesda, perhaps even a little humility. The shoddily assembled Nuka Rum bottles. The systemic exploitation of the Atomic store. The pre-order gift canvas bags constructed from cheap nylon, as well as their patented brand of interminable glitches were already inexcusable. Yet the “Fallout” from 76 has become just another symptom of a greater malignancy: greed.

The pervasive consistency of Bethesda’s “ignorance” to glitches and aggressive monetization is far too coordinated to be an oversight. These kind of decisions would be reviewed extensively, with the expressed intention of achieving maximum benefit from nominal effort. Any persistent or lingering issues can be rectified in post when you’ve already recouped the revenue necessary to compensate for it. Which is a cunning expedient in the short term, but an artifice that becomes substantial more volitile once the loyalty of your consumers has been severely compromised. And perhaps the goodwill generated by Bethesda’s earlier successes has inevitably been eroded by the perfunctory efforts of a developer that has taken its fans for granted for far too long. Perhaps we simply underestimated their greed, or merely overestimated our own integrity in ignoring the problems. But if one disgruntled fan’s acquisition of the “Fallout first” domain name, for the purpose of humiliating Bethesda’s interminable idiocy is any indication, then perhaps Bethesda have finally gone too far.

The deceitful parlance and flagrant disregard for fan recognition has been sabotaged beyond refute. At this point their actions are irredeemable. They have routinely proven that they simply can not be trusted. And with the Elder Scrolls 6 in development, you have to wonder if this is their last chance to save themselves!

The Fascinating World Of The GTA 6 Rumours.

Usually I wouldn’t bother commenting on the highly dubious speculations about a game that isn’t even officially in development yet. But the circulating rumours concerning a potential (inevitable) Grand Theft Auto 6 are…..fascinating, I guess you could say. Assembled out of some contrived algorithm that probably relied on someone devising a list GTA related themes, phrases and locations, scribbled on some post-it notes with crayon, jumbled in a fruit bowl, then picked and arranged into some vaguely credible sentences that could be applied to literally any game in the series. With added authenticity thanks to quoted “verified insider sources”. It goes without saying that you should take these “announcements” with a hefty grain of salt, syphoned from the tears of a disgruntled Manchester United supporter after a last gasp Liverpool equaliser. But as hard to believe as most of this is, it makes for some curious reading.

Potentially the most tenable of these speculations is that GTA 6 will revisit Vice City. Its a logical assumption considering RockStar’s proclivity to return to past glories. Having already reimagined both Liberty City and Los Santos in recent years, Vice City’s absence seems like a glaring omission, one that perhaps RockStar are inclined to address? The only difficulty that may cast doubt on this is the decade. The hyper realised 80’s setting was such a crucial proponent of the original Vice City, explicitly influenced by the likes of “Scarface” and “Miami Vice”, that it’s almost impossible to emulate that same unhinged irreverence in a modern day climate. A return to that era is potentially still a possibility, yet it seems unlikely given that Tommy Vercetti’s ascension to the peak of “Montana” mountain is the real impetus of that decade. And with his stories somewhat ambiguous conclusion, there really isn’t much more of a tale to tell. Yet there are other intriguing rumours that could mean time travel, or more accurately time lapses could be a factor.

Again its worth emphasising that most of these purported insider details have as much credibility as a Conservative lead government, but they’re just as fun to discuss. If rumours are to be believed (they’re not) then not only will GTA 6 feature Tommy Vercetti’s old stomping ground, but other interpreted equivalents of Florida including swamps and islands, as well as taking place in different time periods. GTA is no stranger to flashbacks, having set-up Michael and Trevor’s sordid past in GTA V. But weaving a coherent narrative over the course of several time periods sounds just a little convoluted, even for GTA. Expanding the location beyond the constraints of Vice City is a sound idea given the expansive nature of previous installments, like San Andreas. The idea of engaging in high speed pursuits on an airboat in a GTA rendition of the everglades is an exhilarating prospect. Weather conditions will also play a role in how to interact with the environment, with Hurricanes apparently having a significant impact. This is probably the least compelling “evidence” so far, feeling more like a tenuous connection to localised attributions to the state of Florida. Like announcing GTA London and spouting random references to the captial like “Terrible weather. Tea. Double Decker buses and Knife crime”. Also any kind of extreme weather seems absurdly detrimental to a player just looking to explore in desultory, hooker maiming manner, slowing the pace of the game considerably if you’re then expected to keep track of extreme weather patterns.

Steven Ogg, mild mannered sociopath “Trevor Phillips” has also “Supposedly” suggested that GTA 6 will be released next year, just in time for the PS5. How directly involved with the project is anyone’s guess, which is ironically pertinent to this entirely unreliable article. Now usually I’m left picking splinters out of my butt cheeks from all of the fence sitting, but I feel confident enough in my opinions to assert that much of the speculation surrounding GTA 6 are remote, to say the least. Yet I cannot deny that both my heart and soul have greatly desired a return to the warm, depraved climate of Vice City. And if the release is indeed legitimate then a PS5 would be a day one purchase for me. Whether or not Rockstar feel just as nostalgic is entirely up to them. But if they value money as much as I suspect they do, GTA 6 is probably not far away.

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What do you guys think? Would you want a return to Vice City? Or perhaps somewhere new? Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.

Why The “Next Gen” Could Be My Last.

Computer games have been a most reliable constance in my life. Providing hours of beguiling diversions to distract me from the obstinate tedium that life stubbornly imparts. One of their more affectionate characteristics is to completely negate the worries regularly hurled at you by the world. You can shut off, relax, engross yourself in a virtual world and forget. I’ve grown up with them, and in a way their enduring quality is linked with their own burgeoning maturation. They have become so much more than the mere juvenile diversions they’re so often falsely portrayed as. They can be incredibly provocative, diverse, even nuanced. At times evoking a profound emotional resonance that you’d expect from a movie or television show. I find it fascinating that people outside of our own neglected little congregation just don’t understand that. But recently I’ve began to wonder whether perhaps computer games have sadly plateaued. That as passionate as those in the industry are, presumably influenced by the same games that have nourished my own indebted fascinations, there are some corruptible elements that merely wish to exploit them for financial gain.

Modern games are burdened by the destabilising intrusion of commerce over craft. Unsettling little perversions instigated to swindle additional revenue from consumers by placing restrictive access on specific elements of a game. We know this. And it’s clear from the pervasive supplements that this is what developers/publishers interpret as a positive engagement with an audience, with “gambling mechanics” being an especially lucrative utility. There are vague attempts to condemn the practices, benign protests and disgruntled indignation on social media, almost entirely perpetrated of course by the same people that enable them by purchasing the games! But nothing is done. Paywalls and loot crates are evidently acceptable behaviour, conduct vindicated by the millions who buy them. We are complicit in this, rationalising it as the standard. I don’t want loot crates and paywalls to be established tenants of gaming. I don’t want to worry about whether my Internet connection is going to prevent me from playing a game. I don’t want such a unique and expressive form of art to become consumable goods, promptly attained via streaming to fulfill a finite amount of enjoyment, and disposed with just as readily.

I’m not completely averse to all advances in computer games. The ability to download games is an exceptionally convenient means of gaming. DLC can add significant value to an already comprehensive experience, if done right. But with all of these malignant factors infecting every facet of a games mechanics, I just don’t see myself accepting these manufactured limitations. The PS5 might well be my final games console. The way the industry is going, with the likes of the Stadia emphasising a subscription streaming service that does away with that pesky need to be offline to play your games, I just don’t think I can assent to that. Games as a service isn’t appealing to me, nor are all the other monetized accessories. Perhaps it’s just a sign of age, the inevitable deterioration of one’s whimsical adolescence. But honestly it’s more than that. It’s a doubt that games will ever feel as pure and incorruptible again. The likes of “The Last Of Us 2” and “Spider-Man” give me a sliver of hope. But not enough to convince me that these games aren’t in fact the minority.

Should “PlayStation Now” Be Part Of “PlayStation Plus?”.

PlayStation Plus has reached an inevitable impasse. Having introduced the mandatory subscription service to the PS4, if you wanted to play online games that is, Sony needed to justify the additional monthly tariff that consumers like me had no prior use for. An annual £40 surplus was a considerable investment, one that I initially felt was validated. Providing a select range of free games for the PS4, PS3 and Vita every month. Ensuring a more secure online network, an essential resource considering PlayStation’s infamous fallibility in this area. The capacity to save game data onto the cloud. All of this functionality was a clear and definitive incentive, albeit one passively enforced by Sony. But a lot has changed since then, most notably the price of subscription.

Being the purported “Sony Pony” that I am, with my previous statements advocating the online service that only further reinforces that sentiment, it can be rather difficult to accept failure in certain area’s. But I’m not so totally complicit with my allegiance that I can’t call bull when I smell it. And Sony’s currently inflated pricing of PlayStation Plus has a distinctly pungent aroma of a recently destroyed China shop. By increasing the price of admission you’d expect to be getting more for your money. In fact your getting less! Fewer games are now available monthly, with Sony depriving users of the PS3 and Vita titles. But neglecting to subsidise those loses by increasing the number of PS4 titles. Increasing the price by 25% isn’t so bad in and of itself, but offering less of a comprehensive service is! With only 2 free games being made available every month, with arguably only one of those being a recognised, critical title that most gamers have probably already purchased, PS Plus is just a antiquated reason to charge gamers to access online content. The only real solution to rectify this brazen manipulation of its fans is to incorporate PS Now into the price.

Comprising these two separate features into one comprehensive utility is really the only way Sony can justify the escalated cost, without further propegating the perception that Sony are simply greedy (like any corporation I guess). Its a mutually beneficial integration, one that at the very least makes the excessive price more alluring. PS Now as a separate entity simply isn’t viable. Its a service that really only holds a peripheral interest to me, as streaming games isn’t really practical considering the snail powered WiFi I have at my disposal. Though it’s possible to download games, it still doesn’t incentivize me enough to have it separately from PS Plus. But intergrated with it, to me at least is a much more feasible alternative.

With the announcement of the PS5, tentatively confirmed for late next year, PS Now should be a compulsory integration with PS Plus. This could be the perfect accompaniment. Permitting access to a wide range catalogue of iconic PlayStation games on a new generation of consoles. It’s the ultimate backwards compatibility. Something that makes PlayStation Plus a more inviting prospect.

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Should PlayStation Plus and PlayStation Now merge? Would you use PS Now if it were intergrated with PS Plus. Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.