You Can’t Trust Games Trailers With No Gameplay.

Talking about gaming to those that don’t play them tends to be a tedious display of cryptic exchanges, provoking all manner of scrupulous glances. With most either ignorant or politely dismissive of the activity, its usually a topic of conversation one attempts to avoid. You can say you spent your evening reading a book, watching a movie or even mocking last night’s episode of “Game Of Thrones” and be met with a reciprocal nod of approval, perhaps even a conversational signal to elaborate on what you thought/felt about what you read/watched. But mention gaming and watch as they avoid eye contact, trying desperately not to say anything trivialising about a form of entertainment they deem juvinile. Gaming is generally a topic best avoided if you want to engage in a mature, adult conversation. Yet sometimes gaming’s influence finds a way of piercing the veil between the ignorant and the woke. On this occasion an enquiry from someone that doesn’t play computer games, other than mobile ones came courtesy of my girlfriend.

My girlfriend doesn’t play computer games. Sure she indulges in a few mobile variations, pilfering coins from villages and alike but nothing I’d consider substantial. So when watching TV, with her being the pragmatic and acutely observant person she is commented on a commercial for The Elder Scrolls Online update “Elswyr” by questioning the use of footage that isn’t featured in the game. “If it’s not actual gameplay footage, then why is it in the advert?”. A valid and logical surmise I’m sure you’ll agree. But a question that can only really be answered with an ironically farcical, yet suitably accurate response: “To deceive consumers”. This curt reply didn’t surprise her nearly as much as it surprised me. Frankly all of these “not actual gameplay footage” advertising merely perpetuates the mendacious attitude and deceitful nature of developers/publishers that has become a prevalent, yet accepted ploy in a corrupt and morally bankrupt industry.

Dave Gorman, a British comedian examined the deceitful qualities exhibited by such advertising in his stand up, reflecting on the logistics and bewildering decision to not include actual footage from the game. “You don’t see adverts for tea with Not actual tea on them?!” being a particular highlight. What I’ve come to realise with the emergence of such duplicitous trailers is one beautiful and universal truth: if it doesn’t show actual footage from the game I don’t trust it. I don’t buy it. Because in all probability the reason for its absence is that the actual gameplay is garbage. Subverting player expectation is one thing, but advertising fraudulent content is downright treachery.

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“The Elder Scrolls: Blades”: Taking An Arrow To The Wallet.

I’d originally planned to discuss The Elder Scrolls Blades a few weeks ago, back when I’d downloaded it during its early access period. But other more interesting discussions prompted me to temporarily postpone my perfunctory analysis, which should give you some indication into how apathetic I was about this diluted, shill of an Elder Scrolls game. The Elder Scrolls Blades is as much an Elder Scrolls game as it is a Lord Of The Rings story. There are particular correlating themes, some overlapping Tolkien principles that make comparisons rather easy. But really Blade’s shares only cursory affiliation with it’s more comprehensive sibling. The most notable deviation is the limitation imposed on player control.

Because of mobiles congenital simplicity, movement of your character reflects that ease of use with control condensed into a tap and move adaptation. Guided by an ethereal blue mist through a series of barely distinguishable dungeons that trails off ahead, explicitly indicating your next objective, navigation is somewhat negligible. Combat, which has hardly been the series most revered attribute functions about as well as it can considering the limitations of touch screen devices. Holding down your finger will activate a kind of pulsating circular prompt that when timed precisely will unleash the full potential of your swing. It’s hardly immersive, but its effective enough to elicit some semblance of engagement. You level up much the same way as you do in any Elder Scrolls game, gaining experience through combat, unlocking passive and more direct abilities as you go. There’s no question however that Blades, at least for a mobile game is aesthetically captivating. It’s downright gorgeous at times, with visuals that I really didn’t believe a handheld device could achieve! It’s largely bug free too, with perhaps a couple of loading issues impeding my progress. But most of us don’t really care about this. It’s sadly irrelevant when weighed against the acrimonious notoriety of loot boxes. Or in this instance, loot chests.

“A very rare moment of me receiving 2 gems at once, in a game that is particularly economical about giving premium items”.   

Most “Free to play” business models rely on premium services. Passively encouraged as a way to expedite time sensitive logistics, removing those pesky game-play intrusions. Mobiles overtly promoted monitisation that typically saturates your experience is no different here. Usually I’m one of those self righteous, morally superior twerps, perceptive of the immutable exploitation of greedy developers, that chooses to go on campaigns to spite such practices by not spending a penny. Now I don’t believe that Blades exploits player participation as virulently as other established mobile titles, but its difficult to see how you can progress without buying any premium currency, in this case gems. As you explore and complete dungeons you’ll be rewarded with chests of differing rarity. Gold, silver and bronze wooden, each with an equivalent time restriction. Wooden chests open in seconds. Silver, a much rarer derivation takes 1 hour, though during early access was an excruciating 3 hour wait! And Gold and agonising 6 hours! They each contain materials, weapons or other miscellaneous items. Play enough and you’ll soon accumulate enough chests that you can’t store anymore, unless you spend gems to increase your capacity. Now you can earn gems through natural play, though this is exceedingly rare. They can also be used to speed up chest opening times, which the game makes very easy for you to do, to the point that on several occasions I did by accident.

Blades is very punctual, even beholden in its propensity to entice you to spend money when you shouldn’t need to, that it may as well notify you with prompts that say “click here to gives us your money”. What concerns me is that a big AAA company like Bethesda might consider such mictrotransanctions as a viable commodity in their console games. That Blades may very well be an experiment to see if obvious fan vitriol has any adverse effect on a clearly dubious business model. With Bethesda’s credibility subsequently tarnished by Fallout 76, its hard to imagine how the “Elder Scrolls 6” can be released without incident. Or a slew of fettered mictrotransanctions to moderate content. I hope I’m wrong, I truly do.

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But what did you think of “Blades?”. Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.

Happy 30th Birthday To The Game Boy!

In the corner of my living room, displayed in certain Swedish furniture retailers glass cabinet, that required a small team of inexperienced 30 somethings to erect, almost ending decades worth of friendship in the process lives my original Game Boy. Reclining nonchalantly against a box containing its more advanced portable beneficiary the “Game Boy Advanced”, its exposed backing exhibiting years of battery corrosion, this abused and sadly crippled device is sad reflection of my own callous adolescent conduct towards the things that provided so much joy as a child. Though it doesn’t function, is missing its battery guard and is encrusted with years of discoloured blemishes I could never throw it away. Each and every smear, bump and scratch that has afflicted my Game Boy is evidence of just how much I played and adored this grey and bulky console. And what kind of Game Boy enthusiast would I be if I didn’t celebrate its 30th Birthday?

This iconic device deserves recognition as Nintendo’s most successful games console, and arguably its most influential. While it’s competitors were obsessed with expensive, battery draining devices, the Game Boy relied on its more modest monochrome LCD visual output, and thrived. It’s remarkable to think that hardware of such conservative capabilities became the dominant force in handheld consoles. It was the gaming equivalent of Rocky beating Apollo Creed. Kids these days won’t appreciate the purity of such a bulky, low resolution hardware. The sheer number of hours invested in trying to clear as many lines of blocks in Tetris or defeating Shredder and the foot clan in TMNT’s: Fall Of The Footclan, not to mention the ineffable joy of receiving AA batteries as a birthday present. Glorious! Of course it was its portability that was its greatest asset.

Finding the perfect position where external light didn’t reflect off the screen or impair your vision was a constant malady, but once you were in position then your day was set. With the Game Boy’s mobility you weren’t restricted to one room, subjected to the mercy of your parents whim who’d tell you that you’d played enough of the Mega drive or SNES. You’d just retreat to another room and continue to indulge with a healthy 12 hour session on Pokemon Yellow. And if that didn’t work, arrange to meet a friend at their house and play there! Some of my most cherished childhood memories come courtesy of this arcane hardware.

Me and my best friend Andy (he couldn’t stand it when I called him “Andrew”) were obsessed with the Pokemon series. With the release of Pokemon Gold and Silver we set off to claim our respective copies as if we were on some religious pilgrimage. We ambled through the high street like proud soldiers returning from some far-flung war, parading by captivated spectators that had no notion of what was stimulating our grandiose strides. We returned to his house, knowing full well that we would be the only occupants for most of the day. With his newly acquired Game Boy Colour and my ageing original version we dedicated the entire day to the acquisition of Pokemon, barely interacting with one another, apart from a few succinct enquiries into the others progress. I think this demonstrates the longevity of this system, when you consider Pokemon Gold and Silver were released here in the UK back in 2001, with the Game Boy initially released back in 1989. That’s 12 years!

So on its 30th anniversary we don’t just commemorate this antiquated application as simply a forgotten relic that younger generations feel compelled to acknowledge, but to express an indebted appreciation for this immensely successful machine. The Game Boy wasn’t simply a games console, one bound by the restrictions of idleness or shackled by wires, this is the console that changed everything. The Game Boy, to me at least is the most important games console there has ever been.

Happy Birthday, you eternally spry friend! Don’t you ever change.

The PlayStation 5 Is Coming!

Well it’s official, the worst kept secret in recent Sony history has finally been partially unveiled: the PlayStation 5 is a thing. A concept. A construct, presumably. Furnished with advanced what nots and complex electrical stuff, the PS5 will no doubt be assembled by the tiny Sony sprites that inhabit the Machiavellian fortress, harnessing the mythical creatures power while confining them in their dimly lit, poorly ventilated sweatshop. What can I say, I get facetious when I get excited. And why shouldn’t I be excited? I want to be excited! Not least because my aging Ps4 is beginning to make a curious maelstrom of clattering, clanging sounds that you might expect to hear if a microwave was trying to impersonate a jet fighter. Besides why should I let the inevitable cynics with their prophetic doom mungring and cynical aspirations belittle my zest for console satisfaction.

Though details concerning the fifth generation PlayStation are admittedly scarce, system architect Mark Cerny has confirmed a number of intriguing details in an interview with Wired. Most notably is the supposed reduction in loading times. Its been purported that load times will be significantly reduced thanks to an SSD rather than a hard drive, with the PS4’s Spiderman loading in
.8 seconds on the PS5 in contrast to the PS4’s 15 second load times. The new hardware will also support backwards compatibility with the Ps4, benifitting from the similar architectures that makes the transition rather more lenient than it did between the PlayStation 3 and 4. What’s most absurd though is that it will support an 8k output. Considering most consumers have only recently transitioned to 4k, this demonstrates a startling forsight for a technology still in its infancy. Current PSVR devices will also be compatible, though it still unclear whether that’s limited to PS4 games. Sony are also improving audio output with a more immersive 3d experience. Most importantly for me however is the continued support for physical games. This really shouldn’t be big news, but considering the indistries worrying proclivity towards the expulsion of discs, this is a comforting adherence.

With no release date other than “not 2019” nor a confirmed cost there is still much to be revealed before many will commit. Well not me, I’m a sucker! I’ve heard enough to convince me that Sony can continue the glorious success of the Ps4. With ample time to save, schedule in some time off for a potential launch date, and not mention a sound excuse to pursuade my missus that investing in a PS5 on day of release is a financially shrewd business strategy. The immediate future of console gaming is looking pretty good. Even if this may very well be the last Sony console that supports physical games.

Being A 32 Year Old, 80 Year Old.

You’d think working with people considerably younger than yourself would impart some sort of tempered solidarity. That each individual, regardless of generational contrasts could learn something from one another’s life experiences. The startling realisation is however that I find the temerity of youth rather irritating. They say youth is wasted on the young, I’d say oxygen is. Perhaps that’s harsh, maybe even incentive. More indicative of experiencing the onset of psychological senility in my thirties. But I don’t care. Life moves by with a passive gesture of elapsed time with methodical ignorance to your existence, all surreptitiously mobilised without consent. Birthday’s used to be a great cause for celebration, now they pass by with shrug and curious mutterings of “what the hell happened?”. So associating professionally with people in their very early 20’s just accentuates the gulf in cultural influence between people separated by only a single decade.

The trouble with escalating age isn’t nursing a rescinding metabolism, getting old, grey and having to be careful not to sit on your own testicles, though I live in constant fear of that, it’s that everyone around you appears to be getting younger. They greet you with adolescent phrases, new and preferable ways to insult one’s mother and exchange seemingly hilarious cultural references that I’m only peripherally aware of. They regale you with explicit tales of their sordid weekends and late nights, looking at you incredulously when they enquire into your Saturday night activity and explain that you fell asleep on your sofa at half 9 playing Warframe. Now this type juvenile behaviour is something reflective of myself at their age. They are certainly familiar exchanges that I’d punctuate with profanities for irreverent emphasis. Yet I don’t remember being quite so ignorant. For example I often wear a T-shirt with the “Jaws” poster on the front. Now most people have some passing knowledge of the movie, even if they haven’t seen it. Baffling as that maybe the fact that most of these Philistines haven’t seen Jaws isn’t really the issue. The problem is when they comment on it in a vaguely complimentary, yet overtly patronising manner and utter the immortal excuse “its before my time”. It’s before my time too you snarky little troll!

Another instance of such negligent ignorance occurred during one of the many frivolous lunchtime discussions held in the break room. I had made an oblique reference to the movie “Hot Fuzz”, when talking about a series of suspected assaults in the area, with one incident sadly resulting in a fatality. A colleague of mine analysed the incident declaring it a callous and shameful murder. Well he said that it was “naughty”, but you know, same difference. To which I replied “Perhaps he just tripped and fell on his own shears?”. Silence. Not. A. Word. No indication that anyone had the slightest notion of what I was blithering on about. Even tumbleweed would have blown in the opposite direction to avoid such a catastrophic use of Hot Fuzz. And I know it wasn’t because they had found my snide joke offensive, because the previous days discussion concerned whether or not Michael Jackson had “reduced the size of his penis when his skin was dyed white?!”.

I might be overreacting when I say that if you haven’t watched Jaws or Hot Fuzz, then frankly the future isn’t worth fighting for. It’s not because I’m old and grumpy. It’s not! I’m not the problem, you are! And you smell, like a poo. Any poo. Like a wet dog poo that doesn’t respect the butt-hole it’s just been discharged from! Now pull your trousers up above your butt crack and learn that there was a time before your conception. And for god sake stop saying “Fam”. I don’t know what that is?!

Why E3 Would Benefit Without Sony, Microsoft And Nintendo.

We are fast approaching that superlative time of year where ambition and innate speculation begin to herald the arrival the gaming’s most revered, often exultant media exhibition, E3. A place for studios to arbitrarily postulate half completed projects, with aggressive marketing and capricious advertising that gives consumers a distorted vision of what the game will actually be. Presided over by the smuggest, most insincere chief executives who drivel awkwardly, with meandering proclamations that give far too much insight into a companies laboured achievements rather than be informative and, heaven forbid, entertaining, that could quite reasonably be condensed into anecdotal respite between announcements. Sigh. It’s probably my age, my insatiable lust for cynicism, a combination of the two but to me E3 is a lot of bluster and hyperbole without much substance, unless you call theatrical trailers substance.

Much is being made of Sony’s absence from this year’s event, electing instead to explore new and familiar ways to engage with the community. Which essentially translates too “we’ve got nothing left to show until the PS5” . Perceived as an admission of Sony’s hubris, a need to find bigger shoes to accommodate their inflated feet and resting poor, fatigued laurel, I’m personally very happy about this. Don’t get me wrong I’m very much a purveyor of all things PlayStation, a Sony Pony if you will, but most of their previous conferences have been duller than my Nan’s kitchen curtains. They’ve announced some exceptional content at E3 in the past to be sure, but you still have to tolerate the pedantic waffling that pads out their shows. So does it really matter if Sony aren’t there? Better still, does it matter if any of the big guys aren’t?

Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo have long outgrown the platform. With the advent of social media and more importantly streaming they can now facilitate their own identity, separate from a 2 hour-long statistical dumps. Personally an E3 conference is just another incentive to check out each individuals separate announcements on their own sites, not grappling through hours of padding to discover the 5 minute segment that personally interests me. I also believe that E3 could benefit from the absence of Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo. With the omission of this trios bloated commercial presentations, primary attention could then be imparted to a wide range of independent developers.

E3 could proudly exhibit a varied representation of developers that may not have had the exposure otherwise. Become an institution less concerned with deceptive trailers and fallacious promises manifesting through the corporate hierarchy, and create an environment that engages consumer interest rather than manipulate them. Or maybe don’t invite EA!

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Do you still watch E3? Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.

Will Google’s “Stadia” Topple Games Consoles?

Get your tin foil hats and pitchforks at the ready, as Google have announced their first foray into gaming with a digital only gaming platform that looks to usher in the end of traditional gaming consoles. This is what one might file under ambitious. The “Stadia” as Google have curiously christened it is a rather unique device in the sense that the only hardware you need is Google’s hideously mutated PlayStation/Xbox controller. Instead of downloading content to your external device, the games themselves operate on internal units at Google, allowing for quicker accessibility to the games you want to play. Featuring a Google Assistant and a YouTube sharing function, the Stadia can connect to your television, laptop or even your mobile phone for instant recreational play. Boasting support of 4K quality resolution and 60 fps, with a desire to double those figures in the future, the Stadia certainly means business. But can it really supplant the current status of gaming consoles and perhaps even your PC?

Google certainly sound confident that the Stadia is the natural successor, perhaps even usurper to console gaming but I’m a little dubious. For me there are as of now a number of variables that need to be addressed before I’d even vaguely consider the Stadia to be a viable alternative. First and perhaps most significantly is price, particularly the cost of subscription. Will everyone have access to the same content? Or will an inflated subsidy yield greater admission, perhaps a premium pass service for the more discerning? What games will actually be available on such an experimental device? Without content then it’s already a non starter. Also rather critically, how will the Stadia realistically deal with lag? Persistent latency could still be a huge problem, despite confident claims that such issues shouldn’t arise with the Stadia. With my listless Internet connection there’s no guarantee that the device will perform to an acceptable function. Even with high-speed broadband, how well it copes with latency is redundant if your Internet is down.

Google’s heavy association with YouTube also gives me pause, considering the latter’s obtuse fair use policies and vitriolic approach to anything that could be deemed offensive to a toddler. Especially as it’s a feature that’s presumably going to be such a prominent integration. It just seems less like gaming and more about leveraging YouTube to encourage the community to keep uploading and watching. A gaming platform that’s really designed for the YouTube community, rather than gamer’s. Another concern I have can be applied to all streaming services: the lack of ownership. Technically you’ve never truly owned a game, but rather purchased the rights to the licensing in a semi permanent capacity. Though its less likely that a game you purchased physically decades ago, that has now been censored due to licensing or some other form of prohibition will lead to lawyers breaking into your home and forcibly confiscating said content. But relying solely on a subscription for games, and possessing no personal storage for them is very discomforting to me.

Personally I’m not entirely convinced by, nor completely opposed to the Stadia. I’ve not seen enough to suggest this is as my statutory gaming console and that it will bury the next generation of consoles into deep, bottomless hole. I see this more as an accessory to a more prominent gaming console. More details are required before I’d even consider purchasing yet. It certainly has my curiosity though, if not my attention.

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What do you think of the Stadia? Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.