Surprise mechanics?? That’s amazing. Genius. Wow! I laughed so hard at that that my initial chuckle slowly began to transition to a malformed chortle, then to a full scale belly laugh that not only roused my missus from a deep and blissful slumber but also caused me to choke on my own Mutley inspired guffaw. SURPRISE! Mechanics. Now I have visions of me trying to go to work tomorrow, starting to drive, my car suddenly hitting some unknown speed bump on my drive, only to discover a man in greasy overalls laying strewn underneath my front wheels. My wife startled by my panic shrieks comes bursting out of our house, trying to determine the cause of my overly dramatic, hysterical malaise. “Oh god!” I retch, trying desperately to alleviate the shock. “It….it…..i…..it was….. a….. surprise” the word choked as it clung to my throat. “Mm…m..m….Mechanic!”. “Not again” she sighs, fetching her mop and a bag of sawdust. That may well be the dumbest statement I’ve heard since my girlfriend admitted that she believed Flamingos only had one leg!
Representative’s from EA and “Fortnite” developer Epic Games were invited to participate in a discussion at Parliament concerning the measures, or lack thereof that are taken to protect their users, particularly those of an encouragable age. Besides their inability to answer even the simplest of questions or seemingly conduct basic research into the addictive nature of their games such as “Loot box’s”, Kerry Hopkins, a supposed executive released on day release from the EA asylum provided this peach of a quote, that by now is etched into the annals of worlds biggest “whoopsie!”. When confronted with the question as to whether EA considered the ethics of loot box’s, Hopkins felt compelled to amend the query by stating that EA didn’t consider their gambling mechanic as “Loot Box’s” but rather–and I’m struggling not to piss myself with laughter here–“Surprise Mechanic”.
Is this how we classify gambling now? “Oh no, this isn’t betting. Its a surprise investment”. “Surprise, its a duplicate”. Not to be crass but isn’t that like a suspected rapist describing the heinous act of defilement as “Surprise penetration?”. It’s this kind of corporate negligence that has inevitably lead to such government interventions. Parliament will likely impose some kind of regulatory restrictions on such deceitful practices, even though it never should have got this far. But I’m dubious that it will stop there. Don’t be surprised if this is the start of some big changes to the gaming environment. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it isn’t all good for gamers.
What did you guys think? I’m frankly at a loss here. Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.