So This Is My Life Now.

Like most teenagers, I was very messy. Maintaining a total disregard for the rigours of order and at times cleanliness. Discarded clothing strewn across my bedroom floor. The detritus of crumbs that clung to the carpet like they were embedded into the fabric itself. With the curtain’s perpetually drawn and the windows sealed, the room radiates with an oppressive quality. The lack of ventilation generated a smog-like climate within the confines of these four walls, with the only light being emitted by the glaring illumination of the television. Friday nights were a haze of cheap domestic beer, salty potato snacks and even saltier players being demolished in competitive Uncharted 2 online matches by a slightly inebriated, semi conscious man child. Okay, the last part is a bit of an exaggeration, but the point is that I wasn’t concerned with hygiene, diet or even basic motor function or cognitive stimulation. Now, in my mid 30’s, I find myself engaged in the most unlikeliest of games.

“Power Wash Simulator” brings all of the mundane excitement of spraying high pressured water at stained, highly congested areas of varied putridity. With each window, door, railing, partition or indeed Stegosaurus slide cleaned, brings you closer to 100% completion. With each objective satisfied, you earn revenue from your respective employer. Funds earned from these errands enable you to invest in upgraded power washers, nozzles, solvents and even cosmetics, to make subsequent jobs easier and more glamorous in appearance. Cleaning houses, Vans, Parks, Golf carts, Giant elaborate boots. All via the power of nature’s most sodden element. Now you’d think that a game conceived around the tedium of pressure washing driveways, an exercise my very spirit recoils in imagining let alone doing, would in fact be a muddling incongruity. Certainly not an appropriate means of relaxation to neutralise the rigours of our daily activities. But is actually a thoroughly compelling distraction.

Deciding the appropriate nozzle for the guttering. Locating that clandestine patch of dirt that prevents the satisfying *ding* that signifies it’s completion. Seeing the enormity of the job ahead of you, only to compartmentalise the problem with pragmatic planning, isolating specific sections into manageable targets. Slowly and methodically purging the environment of the stubborn grime that’s accumulated. Revel in the satisfaction of your convictions, to then be confronted by another congested maelstrom. Or perhaps the simple truth is that “Power Wash Simulator” exemplifies where I am I’m my life right now. So as you can imagine I’m hyped to move on too “Lawn Simulator” “Hanging Washing Simulator” and “Ironing Simulator”. Perhaps “Awkward Silence Between Your Partner Simulator”. Followed by “Sleeping Simulator”. God have mercy.

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What strange gaming habits have you developed as you have gotten older? Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.

Does “The Last Of Us” Really Need A Remake?

What I’ve always respected about the games industry, is it’s remarkable ingenuity to adapt, develop and pave the way with a creative rigour that not only propels its own commercial activity, but directly influences the ponderous enterprise of movie making. One of the few aberrant forms of entertainment where sequels are often a rousing refinement over their predecessors. But something has changed in recent year’s. There’s been a dramatic preferential shift towards sustaining revenue, with the all too prevalent focus on commerce over craft. The common solution being to regurgitate an already established idea. The kind of homogenised posturing that developer’s entreat, to give the appearance of renovating something venerable. With the “Last Of Us” now perpetuating this popularised trend.

The “Last Of Us” is a rare breed. A game so revered that a sequel, equally if not better than the original, is still lauded as an exemplary surrogate for modern gaming narratives. Though I have some personal issue’s with aspects of the combat in both parts, those game’s, even the curiously polarising sequel, remain esteemed additions to the PlayStation library. But the curious decision to remake a game from the latter stages of the PS3 era, one that has already received a consummate remaster on the PS4, seems redundant. It’s the kind of cynical, capitalist service I’d expect from a movie studio, not an acclaimed and creatively assured developer like NaughtyDog.

But it’s disturbing just how readily people will defend a decision that – on the surface at least – is as creatively stagnate. NaughtyDog have attempted to extricate themselves from the critical public consensus that this isn’t a “Cash grab”, but a project worthy of approval, not ridicule. Now I don’t doubt the meticulous efforts that the team at NaughtyDog will submit for the “Last Of Us Part 1: 2”. Remaking a game with such an established, almost mythologised notoriety is always going to yield flourishing unit sales. And with the ability to polish a few of the games rougher edges and time worn maturity, its liable to be a superior experience. But is it really necessary? Is there such a dearth of original material that they had to refurbish an already fabled game?

With the movie industry stifled by its own creatively induced anaemia, bereft of any fertile concepts. As well as stilted by its reliance on the guaranteed revenue of superheroes, cinema has begun to depend on nostalgia to consolidate the interests of consumer’s. Ghostbusters, Top Gun, Star Wars. A huge influx of commercialised sentimentality on the big screen that has now begun to contaminate computer games. Where once gaming was a pioneering complex narratives, propagated by player agency, is now attempting to replicate an industry limited by its medium, dominated by the banality of Superheroes and marching to the beat of a drum they once played.

If NaughtyDog felt inclined to remaster one of their games, then it should really be one that would benefit from it, like the original Uncharted.”Drake’s Fortune” is ripe for a remaster, having aged like a fine vinegar. “Resident Evil 2” was a requisite adaptation into a new era. Retaining the same thematic attributes, while updating the antiquated graphics and mechanics. A game that was 20 years old. Not nine. Im not sure where the cutoff is for a remake to be acceptable, but this isn’t it. To me the “Last Of Us Part I” is a waste of valuable resources, when you think about what they could have made. Perhaps the “Last Of Us Part III”. So to my mind at least, the “Last Of Us” does not need a remake. Change my mind NaughtyDog!

“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredders Revenge”. A Review.

Nostalgia. The most powerful, all encompassing element known to man. A concept so persuasive that it makes the Jedi’s force power seem like Scientologists thetans. Nostalgia boasts such a tremendous potency, that if we could derive its raw, dormant capabilities, we’d only require the constituted energy from Comic-Con attendees to generate enough renewable energy, to adequately sustain the entire world’s energy requirements, until Britain’s next Wimbledon champion. A trip down memory lane, just off “unfulfilled aspirations avenue” on the corner of “anxiety disorder drive”, often presents some rather revealing architecture. Such as the 80’s sci-fi classic “Short Circuit” featuring an ostensibly racist character, in a prominent role. With Fisher Stevens rather egregiously portraying a man of Indian heritage in a very convincing, though stereotypical manner. Though it’s comforting to know that some aspects acceptable in the decade of decadence and dubious flamboyance, are still as revered.

The “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” were the cornerstone to many burgeoning childhoods. A cultural phenomenon that’s ubiquitous stature has never really diminished, owed to its diversified transitions and reinventions. Every generation has had iteration of this fearsome fighting team, each with a stylistic distinction that set them apart from it’s predecessors. “Shredders Revenge” is sterling commemoration of the native beat-em-ups I played as a kid, inspired by the classic 80’s adaptation. Which makes this celebratory trip a ripe subject for nostalgic scrutiny.

It’s fair to say that “Shredders “Revenge” captures that kinetic momentum of those games with such studious precision, that it might as well have been copying its homework. The movement of the Turtle’s has been amplified, to give it a contemporary fluidity. But still retains that vintage Turtle’s sensation prominent in its originator’s. I do think it leans a little too heavily into the retro style aesthetic, by embellishing an unnecessary sheen of pixilated aesthetics, to give it a simulated aged look. But considering the historic negligence suffered by this once admired series, I’m not complaining. Quite the opposite. As “Shredders Revenge” is a sobering reminder about the joys of local co-op.

Teaming up with my daughter, with characters that are unfamiliar to her, yet enjoying the experience regardless of her neutrality and limited skills, evokes memories of collaborations with my own father. One of the few fading memories of effusive contentment that I had with my dad. A memory I hope to replicate with my daughter, though hopefully a coalescence of many enduring memories. Her energetic vigour, with the almost rhythmic punishment of the buttons, belies the attentive concentration that crease her already furrowed brow. An accursed hereditary trait I’m afraid. An intensity that diminishes in a flourish of furious, symbiotic ferocity as we vanquish Shredder and his menagerie of mutated subordinates.

“Shredders Revenge” doesn’t offer anything necessarily inventive. There are additional fighters besides the titular tortoises, online capabilities and a difficulty that scales depending on the number of player’s, to a maximum of 6. But when a series as neglected as this, suffers such a prolonged draught, your aren’t going to complain about a light drizzle.

Uncharted: The Lost Legacy. A Belated Review.

“Just when I thought I was out, Uncharted pulls me back in”. Having finished my play-through of Uncharted 4, I had intended to take a brief sabbatical from the spiritual epilogue to both the Legacy Collection and the series as a whole, with the “Lost Legacy”. Chloe Fraser’s debut fronting the Uncharted franchise, ensured that the series could endure after the sad, yet necessary retirement of Nathan Drake. The Ted Bundy of archaeology. Even though Chloe’s absence from Uncharted 4 was a requisite exemption for the fluency of Nates final adventure, exemplified by her rather tenuous inclusion in Uncharted 3. Giving Chloe an expedition of her own, bolstered by the presence of Nadine Ross, independent from Drake was gratifying. Yet despite my preferential interest and immediate acquisition of it when it was initially released, I never did finish it. So I was obliged to amend this notable omission and conclude the series as it was naturally intended. I owed it my commitment.

It becomes obvious very quickly as to why Lost Legacy has remained my deferred Uncharted. Now it’s worth noting that much of my chagrin can be attributed to jumping straight into Lost Legacy, having finished “A Thief’s End” multiple, tedious times, procuring specific trophies. But something about it just didn’t quite work for me. It’s just a little too scripted. A criticism that may seem rather asinine, considering that a narrative-centred game like this, requires substantial formulations and revisions. But the interactions between Chloe and Nadine felt rehearsed. Moments of levity seem less pithy and spontaneous. Like improvisations were tempered by the succinct narrative. Though the bristling partnership between Chloe and Nadine is interesting, it’s a collaboration born out of necessity, and quickly runs out of steam.

The introduction of an erstwhile character later on, further accentuates the badly engineered dichotomy between the leads. Interactions that are at times as derivative as the game itself. Not just the genre, but the series. Train set-pieces. Helicopter crashes. Armoured carriers. The near death ascent of a collapsing tomb. All congenital principles of an Uncharted game, that in Lost Legacy just feels hackneyed. As does Chloe’s personal motivations, rooted in all the “absent father” platitudes you’d come to expect of an archetypal Hollywood movie. We know it’s personal, because Chloe keeps asserting to the fact it’s personal. In another of this engineered moments of “spontaneity”. It’s disappointing that a character whose moral ambivalence and enigmatic origins are so woefully callow and devoid of any of the subtlety her first foray into lead deserves. Yet despite my exasperation’s, there are various caveats that reduce most of these criticisms to mild irritations.

Lost Legacy is gorgeous. A visual triumph that almost matches “A Thief’s End” for “Place I wish I could vacation in”. The semi-open world environment invites a scrutiny befitting a series that relishes in the plundering of ancient structures. Grand monolithic architectures, abound with ornate chambers, that conceal long detained secrets. Chloe documenting her expedition with photo’s is certainly a more practical means of encapsulating the moment, as apposed to Drake’s hurried illustrations. Sketched with an inexplicable speed and accuracy that even Bob Ross would scrutinise. Asav, the game’s chief antagonist, is a fitting inverse for Nadine and Chloe to oppose. A diligent and disciplined warlord, whose unassuming demeanour belies his ruthless personality. A man motivated by pragmatism, rather than emotion. Demonstrated by his determination to acquire an artefact that possess inherent symbolic significance to his people and heritage, but is readily traded for armaments.

Lost Legacy also contains one of my personal favourite interludes of “respite”, that has become as synonymous with NaughtyDog games as a Stan Lee cameo in a Marvel movie. Though the elephant segment might be considered a little saccharine to some, I think it might be one of my favourite moments of the game. I just wish the rest of Lost Legacy didn’t feel so lethargic. Like a series of B-sides to Uncharted 4’s “Dark Side Of The Moon”. Perhaps if Chloe and her cohorts were afforded a mainline Uncharted game to helm, these character’s could get the personal development they so desperately deserve. And I think they will. I’m confident from what “Lost Legacy” provides, that this isn’t the end. That there are more adventures to be had. Fabled cities to be plundered. Superfluous goons to be neutralised with ever more nonchalant regard. I just hope Chloe and Nadine get the “full” game these character’s deserve.

My Favourite Uncharted 4 Character.

As far as I was concerned, I was done with the Uncharted franchise. With Drake retired, now settled into a life of domestic and legalised archaeology with Elena. Their story of anarchic excavation and subsequent destruction of mythical cities/colonies/cursed statues, resulted in a conclusion that satisfied the heart of any Uncharted fan. We got closure. Which for any established, as well as profitable franchise, is a difficult thing to achieve. Now I didn’t not want to play Uncharted because my compulsions were sated, or that once concluded these games provide no replay value. To me it just felt like tasting a satisfying meal, that I’d already eaten. So I surprised myself, despite my affection for the series, when I downloaded Uncharted 4 for the PS5.

What occurred to me almost instinctively was how great the antagonistic was. I’m not referring to the narcissistic Rafe or even the hired mercenary Nadine, both of whom provide their own entertainment, but the ominous mountain that protrudes from the veiled pirate colony of Libertalia. This natural elevation is like a perennial devil on your shoulder. Emerging over the deteriorated settlement of the once bustling criminal paradise. A leering, steadfast presence, whose dubious geographical positioning appears to move around the island, accentuating it’s pervasive scrutiny of your exploits. Its a striking occupant of the island, like a demonic terrapin breaching the surface of the earth. But what’s most disconcerting about its malevolent visage, is an overwhelming perception of knowing prescience. As if this malformed distension of rock, has cognitive autonomy.

I’m not sure if a mountain could ever be described as enigmatic, but the mountain depicted here certainly exudes a furtive concern. With a gnarled curvature embedded in the crevice of the mountain, giving the appearance of a mouth. The jagged stalactite clinging to the palate like teeth. And the deep depressions on the mountainside, giving the impression of eyes would be almost comical. Like a Bond villains lair. If not for how unsettling its grotesque facade is. Its like a dormant creature, waiting for some elaborate set of circumstances to rouse it from the decadent verdure that has ensnared it.

As you navigate the ruins of Libertalia, surviving the most precarious of situations, against a heavily armed militia, marshalled by a sneering megalomaniac with the most punch-able of faces, as you jostle for supremacy over a fabled stolen treasure, smuggled on famed pirate Henry Averys galleon, you realise that a seemingly snarling mountain, passively observing your exploits isn’t really that absurd. And probably the first inanimate object in a game that inspires fear. Besides the loading screens on a PS3.