When I started this blog some 9 years ago, I did so with the intention of extracting those odd little ponderings that rattled around in my head like scurrying, directionless gerbils. A place to express, discuss and frankly bitch indiscriminately about anything and everything that annoyed me. With the veiled attempt to become a world renowned authority on “the games”, that the discerning connoisseurs of the gaming firmament would revere with fervant admiration. Of course that hasn’t happened, as most people care very little about my absurd musings, least of all me. I possess neither the talent nor motivation to achieve such ambitious goals and I’m more than content to waffle on about my interests with little engagement from the community. There are people out there in the boundless, abstract ether with an encyclopedial knowledge of a subject, or at least a committed attention to procuring material that they can reference too, and provide engaging, objective insight into their opinions. I’m far to lazy for that. I’ve always written things that interest me. And even though I still struggle to accurately compose articulate, meaningful and at times irreverent content that reflects my opinions, as well as all too often consulting a thesaurus to compensate for the lack of direction in my articles, it hasn’t prevented me from trying. The method of developing an idea into a fully structured narrative is still immensely satisfying to me. But over time it does get harder to commit to. Especially when it isn’t a source of income.
In the early days I was eager to assauge a non existent audience by creating 3-4 vaguely interesting posts a week. Thinking that consistency and volume were the same thing I persevered, reasoning that this is how you create a successful blog. After a while though this balance reduced to 2-3, until eventually–for the benifit of my own failing sanity–I only published once a week. Logistically speaking it just wasn’t viable for me to schedule 2-3 opinion pieces a week without severely compromising the integrity of whatever point I was trying to make. The burgeoning tribulations of my job along with domestic responsibilities prevent me from writing with any reliable cohesion. Not that much of what I write has much substance or cohesion, but it did begin to feel like a chore and I didn’t want a hobby to feel like a job. Also, what I was writing became far more personal.
Life isn’t static. Priorities change. And in the context of this blog it was evident that my strengths didn’t truly reflect what I was blithering on about. There are hundreds of reactionary sites, dedicated to giving readers up to the minute news, speculations and expert insight with a rigerous immediacy I can’t compete with. Games, as important as they are to me, don’t monopolise my time as much as they used to. So it would be specious reasoning to presume that any objective view I have on some industry gossip has any merit when gaming is a much more casual affair to me now. The rigours of life tend to regulate what interests me. Family, work and the general routine of life dictate how I engage with my limited, though intelligent audience.
Life has the potential to be treacherous. It gives and it takes. Sometimes it takes more than it gives. It’s rarely receptive to your desires. I doubt I’ll ever stop gaming. Nor writing for that matter. Trouble is they aren’t always mutually exclusive.