The Skyrim Obsession; Chop Till You Drop

Skyrim is designed to be obsessive, with its glorious distinction, huge scope for almost unlimited exploration, comprehensive assortment of enemies that your capable of unscrupulously maiming. Oh and dragons too, big ones! My point is, Skyrim is brimming with exhilarating opportunities, coupled with a thoughtfully rendered, environment to pursue your every whim and desire, as and when, you see fit. There aren’t many games which boast such freedoms, beyond deciding on which weapon you should use, to blow up another unknown terrorist, combatant (I’m not mentioning any names). But as expectedly obsessive as Skyrim was intended to be, there is one aspect I didn’t envisage, how utterly compulsive…..chopping wood is!

Forget battling fire sneezing dragons, or exploring hazardous, Draugr infested caverns in search of valuable weaponry. No, I’m on a deeply personal, spiritual quest to nurture my enthusiasm for dendrochronology, and to harvest trees for the benefit of the inhabitants of Skyr……Oh hell, I’m cutting as many logs in half, in exchange for stacks of cash, and big bosom wenches, that I will inevitably attract with my impressive, lumberjack skills (well perhaps not the last part). But apart from the obvious financial benefits I gain from this frivolous exercise, why do I feel such a staggering obligation to do so? It seems absurd that I’m more concerned with the notion that the long-haired elf, is cutting wood to reciprocate money which is rightfully mine, which is a desire you could only experience in a game as compelling as Skyrim.

Why is this such a stimulating inclusion? It shouldn’t be compelling?! It should be boring me beyond all sense and reason, sending me screaming into a darkened corner, and leaving me muttering, incoherently about Redrum or a 7 ft jellybabies. Surely chopping wood in a virtual fantasy world, should be as entertaining as being held at gunpoint, and forced to laugh at a Russel Brand movie. So why is something that is the virtual equivalent of stamp collecting (no disrespect philately’s), become such an addiction for many of us? I hope.

Are you addicted to chopping wood? Or is there another equally mundane job you’ve become obsessed with? Let me know your thoughts.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, My First 4 Hours

I awoke on this bitterly cold Friday with an added enthusiasm, because today is the 11/11/11, the day I had been waiting patiently for, for over 12 months, the day of the hugely anticipated release of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. So I thought I would entice you with the most absorbing and socially destructive game’s series, by sharing my experience of the first 4 hours of my play through. Spoiler alert

8:56 am Skyrim is currently installing, I’m attempting to be patient, but not succeeding.

9:01 am Decide to watch the television, only to witness a stuffed monkey attempting to play crazy golf. I hurriedly switch back to Skyrim.

9:02 am Skyrim has loaded and I’m currently watching the intro, and being completely blown away by the already impressive visuals at the same time.

9:08am Time to customise my character, wish me luck.

9:20 am Finally completed my character’s appearance, a very moody looking Nord and his terrifying name, “Jeff The Destroyer”. There is literally an endless scope for customizing your own individual hero/heroine.

9:22 am Sounds as though the continent of Skyrim is in turmoil.

9:24 am It’s the subtle things that impress me the most, like the way your eyes take time to adjust to the glimmer of the sky when looking up.

9:28 am A faint roar can be heard in the distance but is dismissed by the executioners as “nothing”, if only I could belive that.

9:30 am Rather ironically, a Dragon has literally saved my neck, thanks. Wait a minute….. Dragon?! Aahhhhh!!!

9:32 am This is one unhappy Dragon!

9:36 am Running, running, fire, burning, Dragon, runrunrunrun!!

9:40 am The menu system is very easy to navigate, assigning weapons and magic is flawless.

9:51 am Currently progressing through a cave that could collapse at any moment, yippee!

9:54 am Encountered some rather aggressive spiders, which me and my comrade swiftly disposed of before he decided to respond to the situation by asking “What next, giant snakes?”. Dont tempt fait!

9:58 am The Dragons cry’s can still be heard above.

10:00 am Have finally emerged from the cave, only to be confronted by something I’ve been waiting for since news of Skyrim’s existence was announced, not Dragons or huge blood soaked battles, but the moment of contemplation and feeling of awe when you step out into the beautifully crafted world of Skyrim. Simply magnificent!

10:11 am After a few brief battles with wolves and a gutsy thief, me and my temporary companion arrive safely in Riverwood, a quant little village by the river.

10:15 am According to some charming lady in Riverwood “I look sick”, nice to meet you too.

10:43 am After whittling away my time marveling over everything Riverwood has to offer (no, that’s not a euphemism), a shopkeeper has politely asked me if I could retrieve the “Golden Claw” which was incidentally stolen by thieves.

10:56 am The third person perspective is actually a viable option in Skyrim. So much more accessible than in Oblivion.

11:00 am Up to level 2, wahoo!!

11:13 am Have entered the caves where these miscreants are apparently inhabiting.

11:29 am You do notice little glitches here and there, but with a game of this scale its incredible how irrelevant they are.

11:35 am Some nameless bandit has just unintentionally committed suicide by pulling a lever that then activates a booby trap that furiously fires arrows. Whoops!

11:37 am I’m pleasantly surprised at being confronted by a puzzle. It’s relatively easy to deduce, but still a nice inclusion to the gameplay.

11:44 am And now I’m dead, killed by a gigantic spider. Should of seen that coming.

11:54 am Ha ha ha, take that you ugly Mother Hubbard! I have defeated the gruesome beast with ease as it succumbed to my glorious might, and has nothing to do with me lowering the difficulty down to apprentice.

"Stupid bug, you go squish now!"

11:59 am Typical, I save some hapless bandit from becoming an arachnids lunch and then he tries to flee without divulging the location of the “Golden Claw”, but not for long.

12:02 pm My first encounter with the Draugr, or roughly translated into english as disgruntled zombies (I think?).

12:06 pm I’ve retrieved the “Golden Claw” from the recently deceased and rather appropriately named ” Arvel The Swift”. Not anymore you’re not.

12:11 pm Must now descend further into this extensive cave.

12:30 pm Have now discovered “The Bleak Falls Secret” Yeah! But now I’m being savaged by a Draugr Overlord, doh!

12:35 pm Even on apprentice that was challenging, now its time to get out of here.

12:38 pm Completely forgot that I sneaked past a tomb full of Draugr as I entered and have just made more noise than a drunk trying to walk up stairs on my way out. Doh, doh!

12:45 pm I have finally emerged from the now deserted catacombs.

12:53 pm Returned to Riverwood with the “Golden Claw” and all the gold and trinkets I could carry.

12:55 pm I’ve presented the “Golden Claw” to the appreciative shopkeeper and he has rewarded me with 400 gold coins. A job well done.

13:04 pm I’ve sold as much as I could to the shopkeeper, who then responded to my bargaining techniques with a weary grunt. Ok Then.

Well that’s the way Skyrim progressed with me, but how has your experience been? Let me know your thoughts, cheers.

What Race Will You Play As In Skyrim?

Lost In Oblivion, Again, The Elder Scrolls Addiction

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion is both a uniquely satisfying and deeply immersive RPG’s that has ever been conceived, but for a brief period I became estranged from my virtual friend. The Elder Scrolls literally dictated my life and simple mundane outings or conversations became almost impossible. No longer could I simply arise in the morning, have some corn flakes and head off for my daily excursion to work, oh no, now I was ever fearful of constant hidden attacks from non-existent goblins and trolls, hell I couldn’t even purchase a paper without first trying to barter with the poor shopkeeper (30p you say?, tell you what, I’ll give you 5 gold coins and 2 fatigue potions, deal?). Trying to engage with friends in social interactions or to even be socially acceptable has been completely damaged by constant visits to Cyrodiil, no one laughs at my jokes, people fail to acknowledge my admiration’s or boasts and don’t appear to take too kindly to being coerced. As you can see, being so totally emerged in such a world for such great extent can be a little damaging (just a little), so after much deliberation I simply quit playing, just so I could gain some sense of normality back into my life. But after a few years I finally began to accept the inevitable and horrifying truth, normality and reality majorly sucks!. So I decided to once again embrace the world of Cyrodiil, to not only reminisce but to also remind myself why I’m so excited about the arrival of its sequel, Skyrim.

From the very beginning it’s completely understandable to see why so many of us struggle to put down the controller once your sucked into TES world of mysticism and swords, as you lose countless hours just wandering through the wilderness and glorious mountain peaks, peering down on a world that your almost convinced is real, it’s just so vast and vibrant. Recoiling my initial experience with this huge continent, I remember feeling utterly shocked by its beauty but equally scared of this imposing world. Finding your bearings in such an expansive landscape can be daunting at first and aimlessly wandering through forests is about all I could handle, and it was strangely satisfying, why follow a predetermined route when you can invest hours exploring caves for money, weapons and potions (which is what I did). But the trouble with reminiscing is that things always appear much better in retrospect, and alas the world of Feralden doesn’t appear as vibrant as I reco……. Oh who am I kidding, it still looks staggeringly exquisite, ok it may not seem as polished as Skyrim, but for a game that’s almost 5 years old and to still retain that same depth and quality is simply astonishing.

The first person perspective has always been the most accessible way to travel in the Elder Scrolls, sure you could opt for the third person view but to be frank, you would be a blithering nitwit and should seek professional aid before continuing any further in your quest. It was clunky and cumbersome to say the least, and clicking the L3 button again just reinvigour’s my absolute hatred for this woefully atrocious perspective (why does he run like he’s constantly soiling himself?). Sticking with first person view then, and negotiating town’s and cities is far more attainable, unfortunately the combat has aged rather substantially. Many battles are very easily handled, usually consisting of blocking your opponent’s strike before launching your own, and at higher levels your find that the majority of battles will end with just one strike from your overly powerful character, of course this is all relative to the level of difficulty you choose to play Oblivion. Despite my meandering grumblings however, there is still many hours of combat opportunities to keep you satisfied.

The one aspect during my entire play through that has always enraged me though, is the hideous inhabitants who dwell in the various cities and towns across Cyrodiil, how can a landscape as awe-inspiring and with such sheer beauty be inhabited by such a vast cast of butt ugly NPC’s? Comparing the world of Cyrodiil to the people who live there is similar to comparing the Mickey Rourke of the 80’s to the Mickey Rourke of today, its like the entire population has succumbed to some blind, crackpot plastic surgeon’s magic incarnation’s, with catastrophic affect’s. But with the freak people of Cyrodiil aside there is still enough quality to warrant another visit before you minds are (yet again) blown away by what is seemingly likely to be your new addiction, Skyrim. Oblivion may have its flaws, but for a game as old as this to still be a visual treat, coupled together with a combat system that’s not perfect, but still competent, is remarkable. So im asking, if you havent given Oblivion another go, then do so now. But let’s be honest, you probably already are.

Skyrim is released on November 11 (but you already knew that).

All comments, feedback and criticisms are welcome, just go easy on me.