Let me present to you, the dedicated consumer the future of game consoles. After the great console war that resulted in destruction of thousands of bytes and unnerved some kittens, thus propagating the hesitant coalition between the now defunct precursors of Microsoft and Sony you all thought the future of games consoles was through. But out of the errant flames of conflict comes a new institution known as “Microny”, the amalgamated composite of both these former development giants. With their combined utilities, a collaborative merger of their respective resources and properties they have successfully forged a games console inside the fiery chasm of Mount doom, creating the one true console. You shall not season pass! Presenting the Xstation! Wait, no. No that sounds like a late night adult channel. *Clears throat* presenting the PlayBox! Yeah, that’s much better. With components harnessed from the vestiges of PC’s that didn’t try to enslave humanity, crafted from the tempered alloys of fictitious compounds such as adamantium, we at Microny have formalised a device so powerful that it’s equipped with its own supply of plutonium, simply to generate the necessary 1.21 Gigawatt’s required to power a processor with the substantial power of 2 annoyed gorillas.
In development since Manchester Utd declared peace with City and Ant murdered Dec, the PlayBox is a composite beast which endeavours to finally derive a worthwhile exclusive between them, including but not limited to the plageries of its own back catalogue and placating it’s combined corporate arrogance and scurrilous activities. Dedicated exclusivity is now notarised by a team consisting of some of the greatest assembled minds from EA and Ubisoft. Sorry typo there. I mean everyone with the exemption of these two developers/publishers, under the guiding tutelage of Hideo Kojima and the reanimated genius of CEO Satoru Iwata. *receives rousing cheers from its audience* OK, thank you settle down now. The device itself is fitted with ornate, stylised hinges that allow it to be folded into the size of an ants bathtub for practical storage and easily transported. It can be calibrated to your specific preferences, as well as monitor your neurological output to determine what games elicit the most fun and formatting detailed analysis on what titles provide similar stimuli. We have finally provided the most requested operational implementation too: a functionality that helps produce beer and bacon for sustained durations of gaming. The control scheme has also been drastically altered to accommodate the growing male teenage gamer and is now controlled by your genitals. The “Joystick” provides a more reactive and responsive physicality to your gaming with only the slightest erectile gesticulation. The “PlayBox” comes with additional features such as being waterproof to prevent damage whilst playing in the bath or deep-sea diving. It’s even been fitted with a built-in cellular utility that allows it to phone your respective workplace and inform them of your absence from your contracted duties, with a succinct and believable story to prevent deserved dismissal from your job. It even performs some domestic duties you should otherwise be engaged in.
Distribution of this console will begin immediately and will be offered at a complimentary price of, well for free! Because we love you guys very much.
What additional features would you like to see added to a console? Let me know in the comments. Cheers.
The game is afoot, and I couldn’t be happier. The follow-up to “Sherlock Holmes: Crimes And Punishments”, currently mooted for a colloquial early 2016 release titled “The Devils Daughter. The previous entry was a title that though had its issues was thoroughly challenging experience. It tested your resolve often-times your patience with intricate puzzles deprived of any convenient circumvent, other than a skip button that would refute your own ability to solve a case. Stylised with lavishly traditional portrayal of the nation’s most enigmatic and only consulting detective, your tasked with deducing less than elementary conclusions to six variable cases, featuring comprehensive displays of criminality which gives each inquest a very episodic transition, thereby crafting an emphatic imitation of the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s most ambivalent creations. Though it would be easy for a game with such limited resources to lax into procedural ubiquity, the deductions and subsequent conclusions feel organic as if your own sleuthing skills resulted in the unique, often inconclusive end. That’s the thing too, your always doubting whether the motives correlate to the evidence you’ve gathered, which is kind of unnerving yet extremely intoxicating. Of course this isn’t a game you can simply convert your cognitive functions into nonchalant lethargy, but instead adapt a more functional play-style that employs a hardened, methodical application to your investigation.
When profiling detained suspects with attentive detail you’ll be observing clues upon their person that could potentially lead to a conviction, not blindly stumbling through investigations acquiring evidence that derives any preconceived theories you have already begun constructing. You have to use the evidence assembled through the examination of the crime scene, as well as rigorously accessed with the aid of experiments and the cognitive deconstruction of events using Holmes power to observe a scene and accurately reconstruct the course of events, as well as a conceptual hub where suspicions and evidence are combined to formulate a composite hypothesis that correlates to the events perpetrated to determine the most likely scenario. Using interrogation tactics to observe any inconsistencies with a suspects statements as well as study the suspects themselves can also result in crucial information being extracted, utilising your resourceful powers of observations to determine that a seemingly inconsequential blemish on a suspects sleeve is conclusive evidence of their guilt, or that a simple family portrait could conceal vital evidence. Suddenly you become so enamoured with Holmes parlance and mannerisms that begin to adopt his pragmatic approach. “Hm? The curvature and ornate nature of the knife suggests it’s ceremonial, as opposed to practical. So perhaps the death was more symbolic?”
Lethargy breeds complacency so you have to suitably attuned or face missing vital evidence, so to be encouraged and mentally proficient for such extended periods may not be for those looking to relax. But for others the value of a reasonable test from a game that encourages immersive concentration is extremely satisfying. You even receive letters from incarcerated criminals you helped apprehend or absolve. The convictions themselves are diverse and of singular curiosity as you begin to doubt your own appraisals. There’s no overtly negative impact that results from your instinctive deviations, other than a lingering feeling that you’ve perhaps made the wrong decision. Once a case has been finished you can amend your decision if you aren’t entirely content, but I rather enjoy the lack of a conclusive finality. It gives your exploits a sense of uncertainty. Crimes and Punishments though austere, it’s anachronistic style provides simplistic investigative techniques to apprehend duplicitous villains that encourages less formulaic pursuit for the truth. If you can endure the occasionally tortuous puzzle sections, the absurdly irritating frame rate issues and graphics that look as though they’ve been rendered in crayon by a child with both hands tied behind their back, then there is potentially satisfying detective work and refined diligence that many gamers will perhaps feel inclined to submit here, in an otherwise divisive game. All that’s missing is complimentary pipe just so you can recline in your leather chair with suitable smugness. Perhaps that will be included in “The Devils Daughter?”
Wait…..I forgot this wasn’t a review?! I was supposed to be discussing the sequel! Oh crap, why didn’t anyone stop me?! Well there is a follow-up and here’s some information as well as images regarding it……just tell me to shut up next time guys!
Video game publisher Bigben Interactive and game development studio Frogwares are delighted to unveil the next opus in the Sherlock Holmes franchise, Sherlock Holmes: The Devil’s Daughter, a detective crime thriller set for release in spring 2016 on PlayStation®4, Xbox One and Windows PC.
The Sherlock Holmes game is a series of award-winning video games based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s character, with seven episodes released from 2002 to 2014.
Featuring taut action and investigative work, Sherlock Holmes: The Devil’s Daughter, the eighth and latest entry in the franchise, will push your abilities to the limit in a one-of-a-kind interactive experience.
With numerous suspects in each investigation, every choice you make could drive the story in unexpected – and possibly deadly – directions.
· Take on five thrilling and confounding cases.
· Freely roam an expansive landscape of playable terrain.
· Manoeuvre fast-paced action sequences to challenge your every gaming skill.
· Play a unique blend of game mechanics that lead to an unprecedented experience.
· State-of-the-art graphics bring the streets of Victorian London to life.
· For the first time in his storied career, Sherlock Holmes’ ruthless logic is overwhelmed by family stories, irresistible emotions and an occult revenge.
The title is set for release in spring 2016 for PlayStation®4, Xbox One and Windows PC and will be shown exclusively at Paris Games Week from October, 28thto November, 1st 2015 – Hall 1, Stand G032.
Everything portrayed here is false, including accounts related to companies, people, products and especially concerning comparable similarities between Nathan Drake and myself. All instances depicted are strictly fictitious and under no circumstances reflect any real life endeavours. These statements our purely fabricated for entertainment purposes and in no reflect anyone attending this event. Any similarities with anyone living or dead is strictly coincidental, but I’d be open to discuss any narrative comparisons to determine just how the hell that happened. All rights reserved. Suitable for vegetarians. May contain traces of nuts. If allergic please consult a mortician. Your responses maybe recorded and used for training purposes, or so I can cackle inexplicably for hours.
Due to financial irregularities, i.e. I’m as poor as a Greek banker, I was prevented from attending this year’s EGX despite obtaining press passes for all 4 days. Instead my prophetic powers of deduction will accurately intuit what I believed would have transpired if I had attended. I thereby conducted my own randomized perception with candid lucidity, conferred with creative if fabricated accounts concerning the atmospheric resonance of the arena and the civility of the congested residents perusing various items of interest. So gather round, make yourselves comfortable as I recite a tale brimming with narrative and continuity errors so profound that even Rupert Murdoch would be reticent to publish it. *Clears throat* It was a cold and frigid morn. I had left home the night before, eager to settle into my extravagant apartment that had been temporarily conferred to me by my good friend Shuhei Yoshida. After a comfortable nights sleep reclined in a surprisingly spacious coffin I conducted some idle preparations for the days exultant appraisals. Patricia (my pet dragon) and myself swooped into the prestigious NEC arena at roughly 9:30, amidst throngs of spectators queuing, incinerating a few careless Xbox fans on our descent. Patricia doesn’t care for them I’m afraid.
Upon our humble arrival I was greeted by two robust security guards and escorted to a secure facility on site before being formally detained for being awesome. Before I could be charged with such a fraudulent crime, the perennial jester that is Troy Baker entered the room, cackling like a drunk witch. You may remember Troy from such games as The Last of us and such. “You got me again!” I bellowed. Me and Troy go way back you see. I recall our first encounter in a bar in Tuscany and the formative discussions we shared. “Hello” I greeted. “Hi” he responded. Ah, such good times. Anyway, having been absolved from any wrong doing and after claiming my requisitioned gear I hastily began my search for this year’s most anticipated games. Of course social etiquette dictates that I acknowledge the rapturous adulation of my entourage of devoted followers, keen to submit their own praise for my extensive talent. Once the pageantries of cordial salutations had been displayed however I coordinated a full throng attack on Sony’s spacious segments on the show floor. Of course I couldn’t neglect my sworn professional duties and could only indulge in such endeavours once I’d concluded a few interviews with Mario and Sonic, who recently announced their engagement. Once necessary congratulations had been submitted then I was free to explore the shrill hue of exotic titles on display.
After discussing future plans with the heads of Xbox, Nintendo and Sony, all of whom had flown in specially to converse with me personally, I conducted an interview with beautifully cadence voice of Elena Fisher, whose actual name escapes me. Her persistent infatuation and continual enquiries into my marital availability was becoming rather aggressive though, with her amorous insinuations and infatuation into my purported resemblance to Nathan Drake were indeed flattering, but I had to inform her of my betrothal to another. With succinct sensitivity I was able to diminish the hindrance of such a disappointment and allow her to continue her life without me. These are the crosses I must bare. But once my mandatory work had concluded at it was time to see what this year’s must own titles are. Entering the bloated swell of communicative patrons eager to be coerced by the vibrant fervour of blighted commercialism was certainly a desultory start. I was less susceptible to such weak-minded coercion though, as I sipped a cool refreshing Heineken, brewed from only the richest domestically sourced hops and barley’s, swooning as the bubbles pirouetted on my tongue like graceful ballerinas, I gazed at my next destination. I tested the impressive VR hardware from Sony, formerly project Morpheus. I also participated with the likes of Ratchet and Clank, Fifa 16, Assassins Creed Syndicate, the latter of which featured a curious representation of myself as a wealthy civilian, garbed in the most exquisite Victorian suit. But then I was suddenly accosted by a gentleman of rather substantial repute, claiming to be the best Battlefront player in world, who deemed me a worthy opponent. I Dutifully complied to his challenge, prescient in the way he regarded his own reputed abilities, bowing like a priest at sermon in response to the fleeting glances of reverence. After initially decimating his forces, seemingly motivated by his damaged pride he challenged me to a rematch citing some fortuitous positioning of my chair that contributed to my precipitous situation. My opponent, now thoroughly deprived of any cordial subtlety once again cursed my fluke as the crowd reacted to another sublime victory with rapturous adulation……when the power was conveniently severed by this irritated oaf.
Once the unpleasantness had keeled I tarried for a moment, pivoting on the heels of my feet determining my next course of action and decided on a trip to the toilet. Upon my exit from the remarkably hygienic latrines I encountered Dave, the unicorn. Who upon inspection of my person, seemingly aroused by my musk judging by the size of the conical protrusion on its forehead reared it’s front legs with vigorous purpose (some gestural greeting or custom that I was unfamiliar with) and bolted behind a PS4 partition like a fart in a hurricane, especially when you consider it did a little poo as it left (very colourful turd though). The rather pungent stench of acrid emanations it left in its absence continued to generate, circulating through the ventilation like a snake on a greasy slide, but rather appropriately nestling its foul odour amongst much of Activision’s repertoire. Now with the scented aroma of faeces settling amongst a more visual representation of crap I decided that now would be an opportune time to take my leave. I of course visited the thrift stores and concessions stands on my way out. My perusing commerce resulted in the purchase of a Lego Rome set, which I proceeded to finish in a day (a thank you). I also encountered a charming fellow called Foetus face, which as you’ve probably derived from his name is in reference to his job as a plumber. I began to make my exit just as the herded masses began to drift towards the centre of the arena, drawn by some ethereal clemency, to which they exerted an interpretive performance of Will Smiths “Boom boom boom shake the room”. The interpretive choreography was resplendent as it was errant of any cordial necessity, but I respected the sudden whimsy of such a performance.
As I began straddling Patricia (which we established is a dragon), observing the throng of happy gamers departing, content in their complicit deviation from the stagnation of life I pondered whether next year’s EGX could possibly be any batter? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. In the interim it’s time to get some food. I think I’ll have rump of Minotaur, maturely aged of cause, accompanied by a moistened Dodo egg fertilised by the nourishing tears of a unicorn. Hmm? I wonder where Dave trotted off too?
Did you attend this years EGX? If so what was your favourite part and how accurate was I? Leave a comment and let me know. Cheers.
Do you like spaceships that have flamboyantly luminous Gameboys attached to their hulls, as they negotiate tracks replete in pixellated hazards with frenetic tenacity? Imbued with intense courses that are blended with hyper stylised Gameboy inspired symphonic’s that suitably match’s the speed of a courses velocity? Well if you ignored the fact that I was being incredibly specific with my categorisations, then even one of these specificities should necessitate some curiosity with Spectra. A game that should have been designed for a Gameboy invented in 2015.
Surge through lanes of hazard-strewn neon, speakers swelling to the beat of Chipzel, and skim the edges of death to wreck the high score. Spectra is available now for Xbox One and PC. Roiling beneath Spectra’s minimalist design is an experience of uncompromising challenge. Inspired by early arcade racers, Spectra demands perfection, rewarding those willing to master its intricacies and risk everything to boost their scores and unlock the relentless difficulty of Hardcore mode. Featuring an original, 10-song soundtrack by Chipzel (Super Hexagon), courses are newly generated for each game session to match the intensity of the music. Forget about memorization. In Spectra, skill, reflexes, and tenacity are all that matter.
– Fast and deadly, high-score racing.
– Regular and unlockable Hardcore modes.
– Original, 10-song soundtrack by Chipzel.
From Gateway Interactive and Mastertronic, Spectra is available now on PC through Steam and Xbox One. Check out the images and video below for further details. Cheers.
WARFRAME RAISES QUALITY BAR FURTHER WITH LATEST CONSOLE UPDATE
Vastly Improved Performance, 8-Player Trials, New Weapons And Much More Now Available To PlayStation 4 and Xbox One Players
Digital Extremes launched a major new update to its top downloaded Free-to-Play console hit Warframe today. The Tubemen of Regor Update for Xbox One and the PlayStation 4 System includes a completely upgraded performance experience, with vastly improved framerate, that now supports squads of up to EIGHT Tenno in Trials, a newly introduced game mode to combat old enemies, form new alliances and bring balance to the Solar System in an even bigger Co-op experience.
In addition to across the board performance improvements, the Tubemen of Regor Update gives console players a variety of new gameplay, weapons, customizations and more. Read on for a list of the major highlights to the Update. For the full list of additions, visit warframe.com.
Major highlights of the update include:
UPGRADED PERFORMANCE — The latest update brings noticeable improvements to frame rate across the entire game. Players will see impressive gains on both the Xbox One and PS4 whether they’re playing solo or the newly added 8-player Trials.
8-PLAYER TRIALS — The Law of Retribution is the first 8-player Trial mission available in Warframe. The new mission type takes all the skill and cooperation that veteran Tenno have accumulated and puts it to the ultimate test. Players must band together to pursue Grineer mad man, Councilor Vay Hek to defeat him and his reign against the Tenno once and for all.
TWO NEW EVENTS — Upcoming events extending the depth of gameplay over time.
Operation False Profit: Stop Corpus boss Nef Anyo and his new Bursa assault robots before they become a mortal threat to Tenno everywhere! This Operation is on now on both consoles and runs until June 11 at 2 p.m. EDT for PS4 Players andJune 12 at 5 p.m. EDT for Xbox One players.
Operation Tubemen of Regor: Tenno have the opportunity to strike at the heart of Tyl Regor’s secret cloning labs, but this opportunity comes with a difficult choice. Help Nef Anyo? Or, help Alad V? Available to both PS4 and Xbox One players from June 17 at 2 p.m. EDT to June 25 at 2 p.m. EDT.
NEW TILESETS — Explore six new tilesets, including the Sealab, an underwater Grineer research facility found hidden away in Uranus.
NEW WEAPON: BOLTACE – An intimidating Tonfa set designed to match the design of the Boltor. DAIKYU – It takes great strength to draw back, but provides added power and range.
ATOMOS – This particle cannon generates condensed beams of super-heated plasma designed to melt rock to ore, and enemies to molten slag.
DAIKYU: Daikyu takes great strength to draw back, but provides added power and range to every shot.
TONKOR: Hurl mayhem and destruction at the enemy with the Tonkor! Grenades from this Grineer launcher explode on impact. Use their blasts to propel yourself to new heights!
CONCLAVES EXPANSION: NEW GAME MODES: Players can work with fellow Tenno to shut down the enemy team in Team Annihilation, capturing Oro dropped from each player kill to earn points toward victory, or work against seven other Tenno in a deathmatch free-for-all in Annihilation. NEW MODS: New PvP Augment Mods are available for Valkyr Hysteria, Ember Fireblast and Oberon Reckoning. NEW MAPS: Canyon Settlement, Freight Line, Navigation Array and Docking Bay have been added to the Conclave Map rotation.
NEW TRIALS: Nightmare Trials are even more challenging encounters than the Law of Retribution Trials and are designed for experienced groups of Tenno. Harder hitting enemies, new traps and tweaks to each of the existing encounters in the Trials of Vay Hek push a squad’s coordination to the limit.
CAGGRO SUGATRA – Expressing the martial finesse and skill of its master, the Strekk Sugatra is based on a Grineer design.
ADVENTUS ARROW SKIN COLLECTION – A collection of unique arrow skins compatible with any bow. Includes the Cattaril, Sylus and Meer Arrow Skins. Each Skin is also available separately for purchase.
Check out images below and for more information (as if you need any more incentive) click here.