Just take a moment. Settle down. Close you’re eyes and cast you’re mind back to a simpler time. A time diminished in history by the expansive wonder of progression. When society was bereft of reliable Internet connectivity. Trolling was reserved to dungeons and dragons or forms of communication spoken under bridges. Back when the male of the species would forage for provisions, utilising crude implements and utensils forged from blunt stones and fabricated branches. When dinosaurs weren’t merely confined to theme parks (because the youth of today is so flippantly ignorant of time before they were born that dinosaurs literally wandered unmolested through the 90’s, despite the movie reference predating this particular year by 3 years!). Heroes like you’re own father endeavoured to decimate their child’s dreams and aspirations at a tender age, by initiating a illicit affair with their wife’s best friend. This was also a time of tremendous prosperity for the survival horror, with the defining ubiquity known as Resident Evil leading the way. It’s now largely redundant format, ridiculed for its photographic environments and Tommy Wiseau scripted dialogue was at the cutting edge of knicker drenching paranoia and fear. You had deserted mansions in the middle of a forest. Twisted scientific experiments resulting in the reanimation of the dead. Canines hurtling through windows for no other reason than to send you vaulting towards you’re ceiling like a terrified toddler. Dining on the fine dialogue nutrition of a Jill sandwich. 1996 was a tasty time indeed. Of course Capcom, Satan’s most astute minion that holds dominion over all things stupid adopted the popular notion that success, particularly the modern definition of success precipitates that anything lucrative must be as abused as a male escorts anus. So let us all place a firm back hand to the cheek (whichever you’d prefer) an authoritative flick on the nose and a resounding chorus of “No. Stop that! That’s a very bad game. Very bad game! Now sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done. And don’t you dare look at me!” to Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City.

“The frustration of leaving the back door unlocked. I’ve been there pal.”