Gaming narcolepsy. I’m not confident this is a legitimised condition, certainly not one recognised by medical practitioners. Maybe apnoea is a more appropriate term, I don’t know. All I know is I’ve got it! Perhaps it’s my age, fatigue, some innate “sleep mode” that activates whenever a controller touches my skin. It’s a particularly aggressive strain, persistently aggravated by my nocturnal comfort and isolation. An almost intuitive mechanism that debilitate’s my ability to play games for longer than a loading screen.
I’ve had moments when I’ve literally loaded in to a game, walked approximately 10 feet…..and then nothing. Just a brief period of blackness, before my eyes strain to comprehend the sudden view of my ceiling that moments ago were attentively gazing at my television?! As I lurch from my vertical position, peeling my daughters strewn “Peppa Pig” toy from skull that I’d carelessly rested my head on, its jagged frame leaving malformed indentations I try to gather some composure, wiping the drool from the crease of my mouth and stare sympathetically at the idle character on-screen. Standing there like a soldier awaiting command, motionless, confused and oblivious to my disobedient convalescence. Helplessly seeking guidance from anyone that will listen. Looking at me as if to say “Dude, seriously?! Again!”.
I’m at a loss as to what to do. Do I fight, revolt against my own failing anatomy? Seek genuine medical advice or just accept that I’m not as young and virile as I once was? Finally conceding that the wick in that candle I’ve been burning at both ends for years may finally have run out.