Oh you git Karma! You absolute, conniving, duplicitous, vindictive, smug little git! Irony really isn’t wasted on you is it? I blame myself really, and my own brazen complacency that has initiated the passive cajoling of my currently irritating predicament. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, this type of recompense afflicts me on an all too regular basis. Anything I commit to writing often comes back to bite me on my perfectly formed ass cheeks, and this grievance is gnawing on my hide like a dog chewing a toffee. I’ve analysed the differentiating variables to precisely calculate the probability of this specific scenario occurring at such a conveniently erstwhile time and, let me just check my sums again here; “add the number of cups of tea I consume a day with the number of times I swear…..that comes to around 56. Add the number of funny jokes in a single episode of Family Guy which equates to…..56. Subtract the number of times my girlfriend reprimands me for shouting at my PlayStation and multiply that by the number of Pidgeys I catch on my way home and…..yes……uh huh……yep, got it. The percentage is exactly 100%. Yep, 100. Infallible”! Now you’re probably wondering what the hell I’m babbling about, well let me enlighten you. What I am in fact referring too is just this little off the cuff remark I made in my previous article regarding my objective view towards purchasing the PS4.5….
“It’s like a PS4, but shinier” appears to be the incentive. But considering that my PS4 still works fine, I’m not sure how enticing a new hat really is?
Now having read that extract, take a wild Jason Vorhees stab in the dark as to what happened no more than 48 hours after publishing that? Yep. Exactly that! I can’t express just how much expletives and by extension phlegm vacated my mouth when my PS4 died to death! “Oh well done Karma. Chuckle chuckle, guffaw!” Now to be fair it didn’t so much as die as say refused to accept any discs. Having applied my own astute observations to this sudden hardware affliction and employing correct procedures to remedy the issue; such as turning it on and off again, shouting, unplugging everything, turning it on and off again, searching online forums for similar problems, turning it on and off again, blaming my girlfriend. Nothing worked! My diagnostic appraisals had only verified my suspicions; the PS4 was buggered. More accurately the device felt compelled to eject games despite there not being any disc in there? There was an audible grinding noise accompanying it’s regurgitating predilections that were so loud that it sounded like Robocop was having a vigorous mechanised wank in there?!
Reluctantly I consulted Sony who, after clarifying that my warranty was “probably up” informed me that they could repair the damaged unit for a mere £120! I had to double check to make sure it wasn’t in yen?! Nope, sterling. Yeah, no worries. I’ll just rifle through my sofa for that kind of chump change! Instead my girlfriend, grudgingly at my behest gave the faulty PS4 to some random guy who claims he can diagnose the issue, repair it and return it for only £40. I’m probably not going to see it or my 2TB HDD again. I also can’t shake the feeling that this is all Sony’s doing. Perhaps it’s merely them purging the availability of its formative devices to encourage us to buy the PS4.5? Conspiracy theorist, I hand it over to you.