With the scattered remnants of Christmas lingering with desperate resolve, and tinsel’s vibrant luminous clinging to the innermost sanctum of your fetid waste receptacle. The corrugated vibrancy of many disparate packaging and polystyrene casing that secured a much coveted toy now lying destitute, exposed to the elements. The corner of the living room once occupied by a palatial, artificial tree studded with all the elaborate mirth of festive curiosity now vacant, seemingly abashed by its sudden nakedness. You’ve tendered the vapid secretions of Christmas, with all the ornate customizations and resplendent accessories that garishly decorated your hallways, now strewn across their cardboard institutions, shackled in solitary confinement for another year. All the superfluous confectionery has been consumed, the much harvested and prayed upon turkey is now just a divested, splayed carcass. Empty liqueur bottles garrison the surface of your kitchen table prompting the obligatory attrition of the January Blues. The furtive sun feels even more diminished by the solemnity of the drab sky that is now the ubiquitous canopy of your miserable life, with your vulnerability irritated by the tedious, bleak, forlorn, dreary…….wait……wait! Hold on, where are you going? Come back. Come on. This is going somewhere I promise.
“Yes, I am an Adventurer. No, I didn’t take an arrow to the knee!”
Hi, welcome back. Good New Years? Great! I must say you look fantastic. Have you lost weight? Love what you’ve done with your hair. Come on, wipe away those tears. Now admittedly it was my deliberate intent to deflate you just a teeny, tiny bit……..but for good reason. I’m merely an emissary for dejection, bringing you down “before” restoring your faith in the decency of humanity. Now come here and hug it out buddy…….there you go. Better? Good, now lets forget about this sterile reconciliation, toss aside the anarchic interjection of hackers at the tail end of last year, conserve those shackling reservations and grasp the rendered severance of 2014’s promised quality, attained during a brief court case that saw both Sony and Xbox sued for libel (apparently providing additional, quality content for their respective systems slipped their minds). Because 2015 is looking like chocolate cake to a severely malnourished rambler who has trekked through a forest replete with broccoli!
“OK, yep. That’s definitely tinkle dribbling down my leg.”
Look, it wont be like last year, I promise. See, there’s “Hotline Miami 2: Wrong number”, I bet you can’t wait to wield an axe into the skull of a pooping vigilant. Over there is “Uncharted 4”, you like exploring venerable continents with diverse obstacles and murdering the indigenous inhabitants for your own personal glory. That’s Halo 5, if your partial to that sort of thing. Sssh, look over there. That’s “The Witcher 3”. Now if we are very quiet we may see more of this in July. But stay low and be vigilant, we don’t want to spook it into next year. Now if you avert you gaze upwards you’ll see “No Man’s Sky” (see what I did there). I would show you “Metal Gear Solid V”, but as usual I can’t find Snake or even a box that he might be concealed under! He must be with Batman somewhere discussing their municipal equipment. “GET OVER HERE!” Whoa! OK, I was just coming over to introduce you Scorpion (This guy right!). This is the elected representative for Mortal Kombat X, or is it XI? I don’t know. Hey, whilst your here, why is Kombat spelt with a K? It doesn’t really make any sense. It also plays havoc with my spell check! Oh, Claire how are you doing? Looking forward to your return to Resident Evil. Hmm, Bloodborne and Dying Light were over in the corner there, but they must have left. We should probably head out too, don’t want to over-indulge just yet. Weve got a whole twelve months to look forward too. See, there you go, that’s the smile I’ve been looking for.
I’m completely reciprocal to the enigmatic infancy of a New Year, as well as the expectancy for a potentially prosperous one, but with the expansive array of titles listed in 2015 itinerary, there should be ample justification to rejoice in the virility of a new gaming calendar. The only thing that could make this year better is if they finally invented a fully operational Hover-board. Come on world, Marty Mcfly promised me!
What game are you most excited for? Let me know your thoughts. Cheers.
Game, Complain, Repeat 