Due to a lack of available resources and creative dissonance I felt a influencing compulsion to indulge in some powerful nostalgic proclivities. Now I just have to decide what? Well PS Store has a fine selection of classic PS2 titles remastered with high definition ratio to satisfy my current nostalgic mood. Ah, GTA: San Andreas; the memories, the glory, the feels. One of the most supporting advocates for adolescent indolence. Many an hour/day/week/month were exclusively dedicated to inciting racially motivated violence in suburbs where you couldn’t even trust your own adoptive family. Gorging myself on fast food, just to watch in fascination as my ever expanding stomach swelled so much that it prompted a very graphic expulsion of half digested food and stomach lining to project from my mouth. Occasionally assisting the hood with any number of vacillating errands that only I was adequately qualified to deal with, apparently! And of course engaging in amorous vehicular trysts with women who’d satisfy your carnal desires by writhing up and down on the passenger chair while you both stare blankly out of the window. So it’s no wonder I feel vindicated in popping their pixilated heads under my newly appropriated car. Yes reminiscing about such churlish endeavours is enough to provoke any man-child into purchasing a classic game, at only a fraction of its original retail price. Yet its funny the details your deceptively scrupulous mind can invariably be when you recollect something you regard with such profound affection. How it chooses to discriminate against the faults, yet preserves the good with such diligence. Because I forgot just how hilariously glitchy this game truly was. Not in a bad, this game doesn’t work kind of way, but more of a “how did this ever make it through product testing” kind. So for your viewing discomfort is a series of failures perpetrated by the developers as well as myself. Particular an incident with a rather cumbersome combine harvester which actually gathers momentum quicker when upside-down. Enjoy.
The wasteland is a harsh terrain to negotiate in Fallout 4. You’ve got Raiders, Gunners, Super mutants, Ghouls, Rad Scorpions, irradiated bears, monkeys, puffins, honey badger’s (probably), all manner of artificial and synthetic humanoids and the fearsome, poop inducing monstrosities known as; Deathclaws! Gruesome creatures that wield their notorious talons with notable hostility, by employing them as substitute turkey basters to lubricate your anus. With all the penetrating ferocity of a hungry duck pecking holes in a loaf of bread. It takes courage, guile, a larder full of Nuka-Cola and squirrel bits to successfully survive. But above all a gun the size of King Kong’s ding dong. Yep with enough artillery one can blow up just about anything…..except one creature. Because technically it’s already dead. Or is it? A couple of weeks ago I was on another one of my spontaneous expeditions to some abandoned school occupied by Raiders, Rad Roaches and a man in a bear hat (just another day in the Apocalypse) foraging for equipment to customise my weapons and gather building materials for my colonised settlements. Upon reaching the basement of this facility I discovered a rather substantial hole leading to the long since abandoned subway tunnels. Curious as to what potential utilities I could pilfer from this untapped installation, I ventured forth dismantling the various turrets and human appendages in a showery haze of oil and cartilage. I noted a rather innocuous looking train carriage half immersed by the collapsed tunnel. There was sure to be something of value there, even if it were just some small components to the enhance the few habitations I’d built back at “Sanctuary”. Ah, a camera, some other miscellaneous items and a……what…..the…..Hell?! (I may have paraphrased the “Hell” part). Did that skeletal hand just…..I think, yep. It did. It moved. It moved? Didn’t it?
Was it real? Was it ushering me to the afterlife? Was it some profane gesture? Or merely a glitch? What weird glitches have you come across in a game? Let me know in the comments below. Cheers and Happy Halloween!
I like glitches. I admire the purity of them. Not the game breaking ones, more the extravagant demonstrations of ignorance from developers. The ones that have footballers colliding on the pitch, clasping one another in an uncomfortable embrace and kissing. The sort where Ethan yells “SHAUN”! inexplicably during conversations in Heavy Rain or a hockey player collapses onto an opposition player, sticking his arm up his butt and anally pounding him like Mike Tyson kneading bread! Seriously check that one out it’s hysterical! They don’t necessarily represent the overall quality of the product nor do they detract from the immersion; they are simply a gentle reminder that you are playing a game crafted by living, fallible people. It’s the unpredictable spontaneity associated with them that I like too. That at any moment, without warning a levitating fish will come hurtling towards you like a coked up student at a Doritos factory. It’s surprisingly difficult to anticipate instances such as these, so imagine my surprise when such an incident occurred?! Believe me, I’ll be much more cautious in everyday life now! Check out the clip below to see more.
What is you’re favourite glitch? Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.
I once resided in a mythical province. Because I was a once a temporary resident of the 90’s. Where animal interpretations were confined to spherical containers, temporarily released from their compulsory incarceration to battle opposing, ecological creatures with a proclivity to hit themselves when confused and faint (Pokemon). A time when exalted heroes humiliated reputed bullies, donned binding onsies that made them more conspicuous than a 70’s pimp and utilised giant mechanised vehicles (Power Rangers) that were in no way related to Transformers, at all. Nope. When kids collected corrugated discs with variable depictions of popular culture and George R R Martins publications featured a protracted journey of dragon nepotism, and allowed him to establish himself as literatures most prolific serial killer. We also enjoyed games that were serviceable and worked without the interference from post release patches. We have become submissive to these annotations that are an obtrusive foil for gamers, jarring your immersion with its once inert intercession that cripple your extraneous time, and that’s before you’ve even had time to settle. “Update me now or I will corrupt your system. Mwahhahaha!” Though you can ignore the emergence of these candid insinuations, doing so will leave your already stricken game submissive to the litany of issues already affecting it. So instead you yield, begin regaling yourself with a literary distraction’s, flick through television channels or take a premeditated bowel movement.
Instead of gaming your granted a respite to, well, a respite? Suddenly the screen is interjected by a virtual dossier, replete with a recitation of terms and conditions that must be adhered to before verification can commence. A voluntary permission to simply shoot things suddenly becomes posturing fleets of whimsy. I have scarce leniency for such extraneous liaisons, I’m impatient too which stems from my specious resentment of monotonous advancement. Sure you have the added benefit of congressional stabilisation in multiplayer, the removal of apparatinal infringements and litany of obstinate glitches are rendered moot–but they shouldn’t be present in the first place? I realise I’ve recited this subjugated theme with exasperating exhaustion and I’m constantly referencing the systemic quality of games processed on cartridges; they’re more hardened, resilient, simple and efficient. Of cause both hardware and software have progressed far beyond the palliated effusions of their distant ancestors, but how come these ethereal placation’s mitigate one erroneous issue, but hasten a previously benign mandate? Patches are supposed to act as applicable band aids to enduring abrasions, so why is patch 1.12 causing characters heads to rotate like rotisserie swine? I guess its easy for people like me to chastise the respective overseers motivations through exerting monologues, pungently laced with conjecture. We can speculate that executives have a diminished capacity to deliver quality or resources are pressured by recouping the hefty expenses distributed to even render a tree with ecological authenticity. I understand that my complaints aren’t entirely substantial or even original, and really we as an anomalous community should be compliant to the eventual polish to the once rugged terrain, that comes with the aid of updates, so that jaunts can be surmounted without the certifiable infamy of past indiscretions…..
But its strange to think that during those adolescent years of gaming, I never once paused and contemplated with anxious cynicism; “When will this game go wrong?”
Have any patches caused more problems than what they were intentionally supposed to resolve?