Parents, they have a considerable amount to answer for; from the dubiously administered names some of us have reluctantly accepted as our own, to those sensitive and largely embarrassing images taken at young age for prosperity that depict you in the less than desirable ensemble, cradling a stuffed penguin in one hand and nursing a slowly disintegrating ice cream in the other, often used as incentive to restrict your behaviour as you mature, though readily distributed to potential partners just to lament their superiority over your existence. My narcissistic tendencies and often verbally contemptible conduct is a direct result of my parents copulating symbiosis. I have meticulously discovered that discriminative jeering is an inclusive peripheral and an indicative pursuit of a modern-day gamer. As your console expels its fan assisted desolations, so too must we secrete our own tremulous, exacerbated ferocity with modulated derivatives and articulated sophistry to anyone who demonstrates an incredulous resentment for your ability, by sparring with you with irritating precision and advanced tenacity.
Just a few of the embittered declarations that are regularly consumed by my respective opposition, as well a variation of excuses for my susceptible propensities include; “Why won’t you die you irritating dastard!” “Stupid internet, why do you persist in freezing!” “How can you still be alive, I shot you like a million times you ruddy mother!” These are just a few of my exasperated admissions uttered with increasing regularity, some of which have to be fastidiously reconstructed due to the rage that has bolstered these remarks, that were seemingly indistinguishable dialects. Sure such plentiful expressions or impassioned mockery may not be conducive to sustaining tempered faculties, insuring a healthy relationship with your adjoining neighbours, or indeed demonstrating your advancing maturity, but the aberrant of irritability are additional obstacles that exert you to an eventual decrease from regularity of your failings. The congested aggravations that we all experience need a suitable outlet and considering the immoral as well the validity implications of a more physical relinquishment of malignant rage, such as fracturing every bone in your hand after impetuously punching a wall, or repeatedly punching a stray kitten. The decorative profanities so splendidly exulted with indiscriminate conformity is a necessary release.
Sure it’s not most savoury or even ardent of responses, and perhaps the more commendable reprisals to such emotionally emancipating circumstances is to promptly place your controller down, with diligent and restrained tolerance, ignoring the abusive taunts and provocative digressions from some foreign speaking adolescent, and retort with relaxed, quietly deliberated musings, with responsive, sharp deftness that alluded your previous encounter. Or alternatively you could be begin by erratically jumping like a frog whose inadvertently sat on a pin, reacting to your demise with contemptuous petulance, before cradling a pillow–that in your ruptured mind–currently manifests in this instance as your own dissatisfaction. Battering its quilted silk with all the tame barbarity of 3 harnessed Pomeranians, and smothering your controller for its inept responsiveness of my clearly incisive actions. Hurling vile profanities at your character, who stands to attention with attentive vigilance, impervious to your procrastinating violations, merely awaiting your manipulating commands. Of course I could just abstain from any physical intimacy with my PS3, but then who would I verbally profane? We all deserve a John Cleese moment of defiant, though energetic puerile actions, battering a mini cooper with the most ineffective of tree branches. Though some more than others.
Do you let your emotions get the better of you? And when was the last time a game utterly infuriated you? Let me know. Cheers.
Growing up, I never felt the need to stimulate my mental capacity. Solving puzzles, deciphering complicated algorism’s, theorising the implications of burning fossil fuels, as opposed to utilising more environmentally friendly, natural resources. Please! Trying to comprehend the suggestion that words can be pronounced backwards on a word search, was far beyond my comprehension (and still is). So the last thing I wanted to instigate whilst gaming, was translating impromptu puzzle sequences to ascend through previously locked doors, purposely constructed to irritate and humiliate my intelligence (I think). But over time my requirements have begun to mature, the challenges of oppressing some formidable beast is a tepid affair for me, I require far more versatile intricacies to challenge my admittedly modest intellect.
I relish the challenge that well-constituted, initially incomprehensible puzzles afford. Why have your experience restricted by repetitive combative incidents, which become contrived and irrelevant with consistent regularity. The tangled perplexities of selected puzzles are so tightly manipulated, that despite their tendency to interrupt the rhythm of your progress, they can bestow astute confidence in further approaches, thereby creating further imaginative zeal and spontaneous invigoration, to aid you in your continued progression. The fleeting bursts of mental stimulus that confine you to its confounding deviations, can be aggitatingly isolating, but such hindrances to your progress must be initiated with penetrative diligence, rather than forlorn indifference.
Assassins Creed demonstrated such an intricate level of fiendish puzzles, so conceptually sophisticated, where knowledge of historical figures, events and other variants of cultural mythology, is a significant advantage when deducing such concentrated complexities. The mental exertions impel your emotional immersiveness, adding greater potency to the story. The use of vivid renaissance art depicting antient deities, associating with scantily attired woman, in all manner of compromising positions displays a level of sophistication, rarely conceived and utilised to such satisfying means. Or perhaps its just Ubisoft being a little perverted, and I’m reading between lines that simply aren’t there.
Sure there are moments of antagonistic frustration, that continually thwart your progress, and your annoyances become perpetrated by your own frustrated inability to piece the seemingly unconnected. It becomes a strategic balance of wit and patience, augmented by your battered ego which, if used effectively, will culminate in your eventual success, and a throughly more satisfying conclusion than being gifted with the solution. The feeling of diminished intellect, the foreboding sense of isolation when attempting to decipher puzzles dissipates, the formula becomes more apparent. Over time you become more receptive, more accommodating of the enigma that previously overwhelmed you, and engage the required motions to quickly deal with the troubling conundrums. Or alternatively, you could simply create a vise like grip on your console, rip it from the sockets like electrically conductive, umbilical cord, and launch it out the window further than a Ukrainian shot putter, named Helga Ballbreakier! But I suggest ignoring the latter option.
Do you find puzzles just as invigorating? Or do you avoid them like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley avoids smiling? Let me hear (read) your opinions.
With so many conflicting reports already appearing on, not only details regarding a sequel to Mirrors Edge, but also whether the game is even in development, I felt it was time to re-indulge my free-running capabilities and refresh our memories, as to why there is even contemplation of a followup.
Despite Mirrors Edge original release being almost 4 years ago, in which time there have been massive visual and technical strides, mirrors Edge is still as pleasing to the eye as Jennifer Hendricks covered in milk chocolate, whilst straddling a football (Oh yeah, I went there!). The City itself conveys a very utopian feel, picture the futuristic city perceived in Ridley Scott’s “Blade Runner”, now think of that cities polar opposite, bright, vivid and misleading, but an also a very cerebral setting, with overused whites, which is minimally layered with neon blasts of vibrancy, which can cause you to lose your bearings in unfamiliar surroundings. Almost every aspect in daily life is monitored, news is manipulated and used as propaganda, all very reminiscent of George Orwell’s novel “1984”.
You play as Faith, a female, free runner whose job is to deliver Haagen-Dazs ice cream to wealthy stock brokers, before it melts into tasty liquid mess, or something like that? I think there’s some sort of conspiracy sub plot simmering somewhere in the background. The truth is, the narrative is like a Fearne Cotton opinion, totally irrelevant, all you really care about is the free running. It’s fair to say that Mirrors Edge doesn’t adhere to the typical formula normally associated with FPS’s either, opting for a less violent direction. Rather than perpetrating questionable acts of violence, your rewarded in taking the moral high ground, by simply running away, very quickly, and hopefully looking good while doing so.
But you know a game is going to be unbearably frustrating, when you spend less time leaping from rooftop to rooftop, disarming heavily armed guards, and trigger happy helicopter’s, than you do attempting to leap over a desk. When you first begin Mirrors Edge you will fall, a lot! Frustratingly frequently actually. It will happen with such irritating regularity, that your believe that it isn’t your miss timed jumps that are causing you to fail, but that the game is just hopelessly unresponsive. Whether your jumping, sliding, or running across walls, if you’ve even slightly miscalculated, Mirrors Edge will brutally send you crashing (quite literally) towards Earth, and leaves you with a familiar sensation of hopelessness. But when you do achieve the seemingly improbable, and your suddenly linking jumps, runs, slides almost effortlessly, it’s a gratifying sensation, and almost single-handedly erasing your previous frustrations. You can’t help but stride around with a reinvigorated sense of satisfaction and omit a swagger only Simon Cowell could equally exude.
For vast majorities of the game, the combat is rendered relatively redundant, as its conceivably possible to not even engage in any hostilities, let alone kill anyone, and even when required to battle, your almost always choose to disarm the opponent rather than fight head on, which is accompanied by its own problems. Again it’s a timing issue, time it right, and your feel suitably smug as Faith sends her knee crashing into the assailants jaw, and relinquishing the gun at the same time, get it wrong, and its good night Vienna, or this worlds equivalent. Slowing down time with a button push is an advantage, but your soon become heavily reliant on it in almost every combat situation.
So lets recap; Mirrors Edge is painfully frustrating, is visually appealing but equally derived of character, is nightmarishly ruthless, not to mention sluggish, unresponsive and explains itself about as well as an excitable child, high on cookies watching back to back episodes of Peppa Pig, but do you know what? Despite its glaring over sites, and its borderline narcissism, I love it. Mirrors Edge generally offers something new from the typical mainstream, first person perspective, and a level of sophistication rarely associated with the genre saturated with modern-day conflicts. Just being able to see your feet and hand responses as you quickly ascend to the top of a skyscraper, or carefully negotiating perilously narrow pipes, offers an even greater sense of immersion.
Mirrors Edge is a difficult game to recommend to the wider demographic, it’s not really aimed at any one potential gamer, it follows the same basic premise throughout, you go, you see, and you run faster than an orphan being chased by Madonna, but it never feels repetitive. It rewards gamers for their perseverance, and punishes the rest. But taking into account Mirrors Edge age and affordability, (currently available for £8.65 on Amazon) in my typically biased opinion, this is well worth purchasing. I’m now just hoping that the sequel is a free running, free roaming, open world. Hmm? A readily available, fully exploitive city? Just imagine the potential?!
During any extended play of games, your guaranteed to experience a certain degree of escalating frustration, whether it’s a poorly executed leap in Uncharted, a loose pass in FIFA or PES, or simply stepping carelessly on the case of one of your favorite titles, because you in a moment of pure idiocy, decided to ignore your brains superior understanding of your foppish early morning behavior, and leave the case directly in line of your lethargic morning route (you’d think I would learn?). But back when I was a little younger, and minutely more immature, one of these aforementioned games really did get my metaphorical goat, that being Pro Evoloution Soccor.
I remember being completely disillusioned by FIFA’s maddeningly uninspiring gameplay that was as fluid as a bowl of cement soup, and equally as interesting. But after playing the demo for the thoroughly impressive PES, I was instantly converted, and enjoyed something of a renascence period, scoring satisfying goals from outside the box, bringing in top class players at the half way stage to replace the vast mediocrity that was prominent throughout my current Tyneside squad (sorry Macco), but as I became more competitive, I found that I became equally aggravated. The verbal obscenities that unintentionally spewed from my mouth became increasing pronounced, to such a rambunctious decibel that you could soon find that your converging with the local authority, (the reason for my anger is that the referee awarded Man Red with a free kick officer, which it clearly wasnt). So I stopped playing, and this resulted in a far calmer interactions with my Playstation, but the illusion that I had actually matured as a gamer was slightly dispelled, because I’ve curiously discovered that this “charming” attitude isn’t just applicable to just playing.
Observing other people playing games is, although not as frustrating as participating, can be just as agitating. “Duck, shoot, no not there, there you fool!! Take the left hand side, NO, the other left, that one there” *swiftly stands, aggravatingly pointing at the screen*, this is a particularly bad habit I’m yet to overcome.
Have frustrations got the better of you whilst gaming? Let me know your thoughts.
My frustrations have reached such a critical point in FIFA 12 that I have made the very conscious decision to seize my playing career and revert back to FIFA 11. I havent taken this decision lightly, and I don’t want to mislead you into believing that I didn’t enjoy EA’s new iteration. It’s as fast and absorbing as it’s predecessor, the fluidity of FIFA 12 is a Messi’s stride ahead of FIFA 11, but it’s the total lack of innovation implemented into Be a pro that has left me discouraged. Playing as one footballer has always been my prefered choice in FIFA as I always feel more involved in the progression of the matches, waiting patiently for that through ball so that I can quickly latch onto it before sliding the ball past the keeper (very satisfying), the feeling of being part of a team is what gave me gratification.
FIFA 12’s Be a pro isn’t bad, it’s just difficult to really grasp where improvements have been made. The impact engine that has been added that was intended to bolster the realistic nature of inevitable collision’s that occur in the course of a game really didn’t justify its inclusion, due to the consistent dilemma of teammates running blindly into one another in a generally clumsy and comical fashion, which results in the opposition reacquiring the ball, and once the opposing side have it its unlikely that your retrieve it until they make a mistake or score. Perhaps my meandering grumblings could be the result of my lack of ability to adjust to the game and perhaps I should harbour a little more patient’s, but when you consider that FIFA 11 is almost equal in terms of quality to 12, not to mention significantly cheaper, I cant help but feel let down by EA’s lack of invention. Why should we settle for mediocrity?
Have you had a similar problem with FIFA 12? Or should I give FIFA 12 another chance? Let me know your thoughts, cheers.