You stand here today accused of gross negligence, dereliction of duty, insufferable arrogance, a referral of ignorance and blatant contempt for both your loyally resilient fans and progeny. Your submitted plea of not guilty is further corroborating proof of your benign consideration as both accusers and your peers have gathered here today to brandish their united solidarity against you. Your assertive rise to prevalence and continued dominating popularity requires your full attentive compliance when dealing with grievances referred to by fans, fans that you have negligently disregarded. Your latency and total lack of empathy in amending these numerable issues is frankly startling, so its with a measurable amount of pleasure that our meticulously convened adjudicators composed of thoroughly impartially gathered individuals, that just conveniently happen to be disgruntled fans have unanimously adjudged you guilty of all charges which is frankly the only possible recourse, inevitable to everyone but yourself. Your publicly perceived consultancy is regarded as flippant with all the comparable transparency of mud. Your status as the leading competitive gaming publisher has hereby been revoked until suitable assurances have been made regarding your woefully inconsistent servers. Never in all my years as a gamer have I witnessed such pronounced apathy for the very people they are assigned to serve.
For your crimes you will be reprimanded under section 69 of the mental health act and sanctioned at a correctional facility localised in the Arklay mountains, just West of pleasant little hamlet called Raccoon City. Currently industrialised by a respected conglomerate known as Umbrella who will conduct singular cognitive examination on your employees, most will be rectally invasive simply to confidently affirm the legitimacy of your humanity (and for a laugh), all under the cursory tutelage of Dr William Burkin, who will also be tending to the aggrieved associates you have belittled, castrated and shamed including Battlefield and Need For Speed. You will be monitored to ensure that your oppressive motives cannot inflict any further pain on your released content. So any perpetual loading screens, crashes, visual imperfections, frame rate latency and rubber-banding are strictly prohibited. Mild sedatives will be administered as a preliminary measure to prevent you from releasing a duplicate iteration of FIFA again with only the packaging and numerical differentiate from last years version. Also, once your recuperation has been successful and verified by the proper medical examiners, you will be forced to compensate your clients for any monetary transactions that has resulted in individuals acquiring James “potato Head” Milner for the 7th time in one of your loosely cultivated gold packs, or inability to even load The Simpsons Tapped Out for than 5 seconds. You will also be sentenced to 100,000 of years of community service, accumulated from backdated time wasted on static loading screens and incurred on those rare occasions that I was actually the most proficient player of Battlefield 4, only for my affluent position to be rendered mute when it crashes. You will serve under these proclamations until such a time that your perpetual abstinence from fan rebuke has been suitably amended and numerable transgressions have been addressed.
You’re a publisher that helps generate incredibly exciting games……and then ruins them. Do you have anything to say in your defence?……..No. I though not. *brings down gavel*
“Next case in session. Bethesda intend to sue RockStar over copyright infringement that states only “they” are entitled to delay and screw up a great game and its additional contents.” Court adjourned for now. This could take some time.