Now I’m not a grammar nazi. I’m not someone that demands vocabulary that is spoken with precise diction. You only have to read the cacophony of innate ramblings I scribe to see that. Understanding the appropriate use of there/their or the correct verbage for less/fewer. It’s also worth noting that during my first revision of this topic, I spelt “Grammar” with an “er” at the end, so. But as a father, I have my limits. Now as someone that works with a lot of semi literate, borish “adults”, with posturing masculinity and delivering sentences punctuated with expletives, I’m used to an environment where groups converse as if they are extras in a Guy Ritchie movie. To me that’s just an affectation. An amusing if juvenile congregation, in much the same way you’d observe animals at the zoo. Though I’m sure the Lions in their respective enclosures aren’t half as demeaning to their lionesses. But when it comes to my daughter I believe that she should strive for a more expansive vocabulary.
Now that’s not to say that she isn’t already flourishing with her command of the English language. She certainly exceeds her old man in matters of literature and comprehension of even the most basic writing. She has written 5 of her own original stories, that are almost all derivations of “Little Red Riding Hood”, that curiously result in the death of the protagonist. That’s a problem for the psychiatrists. She does however have her moments, I suspect deliberate on her part, where she doesn’t ennounciate words phonetically. For example while on her way to school, she began to brief me on the everyday activities of sea turtles. Like most children’s mutterings, this statement bared no relevance to the question I’d previously asked, with the query concerned with the location of her Wellington boots. Her unprovoked diatribe though informative, if relentless, did conclude with her saying the word “Turt-all” instead of “Turtle”.
Now as I’ve previously stated I’m not a stickler for accurate grammar, but this kind of lazy pronunciation is a malignant scourge of the English language. In much the same way that people say “Walt-A” instead of “Water”, I believe and this isn’t hyperbole, these people should be murdered to death! This may seem excessive, perhaps even morally reprehensible, but I can assure you it is a vicious assault on language I simply cannot abide. Especially considering the habitual potential my daughter has been blessed with. I have never met someone with such insatiable courage. With such an unceasing endeavour to pursue whatever the hell she wants. My job is to encourage and educate her. To guide and protect her into whatever vocations she chooses. If nothing else, at a bare minimum, at least she can enter the world knowing how to say “Turtle” accurately God damnit!