Hi, how are you? Random post here. Lovely to make you’re acquaintance. See this adorable little duck above wielding a leek as if it were Excalibur? That my friends is my most favouritist Pokemon in the whole entire world! It’s name is Farfetched and it can live in my balls any time. Why? Well that’s kinda difficult to explain. I remember when I was in school and Pokemon exploded like an hallucinogenic, bacterial phlegm, slowly infecting and encouraging kids to buy trading cards, games and various iterations of cultural exploitation. Consuming all of popular culture into one amalgamated poke ball of hysteria. A novelty we all thought would fade away like Ferbies, Pogs or Alicia Silverstone, but has instead consistently endured despite economic exposure. This was back when every other conversation concerned whether or not you would bone Misty or not I (would). Everyone with even a passing familiarity to the series had chosen their favourite Pokemon, pursuing various ideologies to their decisions. “Charizard is the best because he looks cool!”. “Blastoise is the best because he looks dangerous!” “Pikachu is the best because it’s cute”. Well I think Farfetched is the best because it isn’t even trying. “Farfetched?! Are you mad? Get outta here you weirdo!”.
People took real umbrage to my affinity. But I kinda liked that it wasn’t a recognised fighter, that it didn’t adopt an aggressive stance or pose in an intimidating manner. Amongst the huge retinue of deliberately dangerous Pokemon, Farfetched stood proudly as a more nurtured and profoundly inert figure in a roster of violent socio-paths. I mean even Pikachu looked as though it wanted to lunge at you’re groin and charge static current up you’re backside to see what colour you’re balls would light up like! Farfetched looked so benign in comparison, as though he’d just wandered down the shop to pick up a leek to complement a salad it was making. Or that it’s literally so passive that it was strolling towards a stew to be boiled and subsequently devoured and the leek is just a convenient accompaniment! Because of its meekness and the way it almost always winked at you rather than frighten you meant that I have always shared an endearing affinity with him/her.
“He may seem passive, but be careful of his leek if he asks you to bend over!”
I still have this image of him striding around with authoritative conviction, swaying his leek with regimented precision, demanding respect. And there’s something delightfully exalting about that. I remember my instinctive preference to Farfetched being solidified when some obscure magazine had created some algorithmic generator that calculated, through a vaguely defined, numerical variable’s what Pokemon you are. Some arbitrary equation like you’re age, plus you’re birth year, times by your house number, subtract the number of spots on a cheetah divided by the number of friends you still retained at this point, and that would somehow equate to a Pokemon with the equivalent number. Mine was Farfetched. Coincidence? This much maligned figure should be praised for its courageous individuality. It didn’t have some vascular, hyper powered evolution. And it didn’t need one; because awesome doesn’t require visual intimidation or aesthetic girth. Sometimes you just can’t improve on perfection! Yes it’s attributes as a combatant are less than impressive but it’s behavioural solidarity still resonates strongly. And when Pokemon Go is finally released you can bet that Charizard, Pikachu or even MewTwo won’t be top of my list of acquisitions, but rather Farfetched will warrant my immediate consideration.
What is you’re favourite Pokemon? Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.