Can you hear that?…….That tranquil nebulous sound? The vacuous ambiance? The rasping whisper of serenity? I don’t really understand why my mind interprets serenity as a personification of an elderly man with respiratory failure, but it does damn it! What I’m trying to say is that for the first time in a number of months I have the entire household to myself. Just me, my PS4 and enough sugar to put me in a diabetic coma! Of course my Girlfriend asserted with admirable verve that of course my domestic duties weren’t completely negated by her absence and my extended convalescence. This concession was by no means ignored, as I did eventually scoop up a bit of fluff that had been securely stationed in the darkened crevice of my upholstery. *Sigh* What a great couple of days it was. A weekend of excessive indulgences, of nutritious concessions and of intolerable cruelty (I’ll get onto that in a minute.) Now some people are averse to the emancipation afforded through solitary isolation, but I love it. My earnest desire for solitude really stems from my lack of society aptitude and the colloquial monotony of everyday interactions. Besides gaming with impunity is only possible with the abdication of prying appraisals. This was my time to self indulge in gaming that I haven’t really done since I was about 15, and I took full advantage.
The bulk of my weekend was liberally dispersed between my rejuvenated lust for “Hotline Miami” and revoking the imposed limitations of alcoholic abstinence. Trust me, when you’re attempting to A+ every chapter in Hotline Miami you’d drink a ravine streaming with beer and JD! Unrestrained by the social etiquette of having to wear formal garments to conceal my natural nakedness around the house, with my girlfriend admonishing my congenial liberation from underpants because according to her it isn’t “appropriate” for me to stroll around our residence with my billiards hanging loose like swaying pendulum (I’ll just leave that image with you for a moment). I tried, oh did try to convert my ambition for A+ propagation into tangible success, but I was defeated more times than Newcastle United! Wraith was my consummate liaison, guiding me through each chapter with chortled belligerence. It was as though it had taken physical residence behind me, massaging my shoulders as I continually failed, urging me to relinquish my aggression and give in to the dark side, to which I complied by hurling cushions across the room with the resounding *poof* as they hit the floor. My convalescent peace was shattered by the barbed trolling I was experiencing from Hotline, as I moved from a reclined state of respite to being perched aggressively on the end of the sofa screeching with sniggering anguish. So I relied on a more affable contingency; food.
With the discretionary consumption of food already available to me, I began foraging through the wilted remains of our preserves. Sifting amongst the jutted remains of frozen suppositories I felt it best to bolster our sensible repository with a favourable supply of fish, chicken and pizza. Hastened by repeated gaming discontent I ventured out periodically to acquire much-needed sustenance, with no calculable barometer for just how much nutrition was being extracted from chicken wings and other reformed poultry. But who cares, you’re not my mother! There was no one there to restrict my consumption of these detrimental substances. Moreover there is no better food than chicken when trying defeat a game as nefarious as Hotline Miami. After devouring the breaded flesh of numerous unspecified chickens, with their splayed carcasses garrisoning my plate, I persevered with my exertion to at least obtain 2 or 3 A+ rankings. I had determined that achieving individual trophies would yield diminished returns, so I instead decided to condense my arrears into one manageable sum. After hours of hollowing, swearing and a few cushion throws my voracious gaming appetite was finally sated at around 2am, with no paramour to chastise the lateness of my completion.
Its been a long time since I’ve been presented with such ancillary time to dedicate to a computer game. It was akin to when your parents left you at home for the first time believing you to be a responsible teen, before you seize the opportunity to play ball in the house. Just with less collateral damage generated to family portraits and ceramic owls. Of course any evidence of my listlessness was now concealed, with all of her speculative accusations directed at my perceived sloth now just oblique, circumstantial conjecture. What a lazy, forget the hindrance of underpants weekend it was. But I’ll admit that being afforded such abstinence from the monotony of routine is refreshing, but the seldom allures of such isolation does help me reflect on just how much I do the miss the company of others. Just a little bit.
What has been your most memorable gaming weekend? Let me know. Cheers.