Life’s not fair, especially in regards to the domesticity of first world pestilence. I am currently slumped on a sofa, my greasy hair matted by listless sleep, with my encumbering depression facilitated by my own glib omissions. Don’t pretend you don’t why! Your feeble attempt at professing simulated hesitancy hasn’t fooled me, I can intuit that you know exactly what has irked me! (The illustration above probably gives you some indication) I’m consumed by the piety of abstinence, contemplating the most lamentable exclusion with the most advanced state of solemnity tarnishing my features. I access everything with the most studious of considerations, purchase content on the basis of conclusive affirmation rather than circumstantial evidence or hearsay. How did I get this so wrong? How had I missed this?! I foolishly adjudged it as just another specious attempt at clasping more money from my already depleted bank account, that now glares at me with austere bereavement at its penurious owner. “No Karl! I can’t lend you any more money. You’ve spent too much as it is!” Pfff, it won’t be any good I had convinced myself weeks before, a motion only further legitimized by the ubiquity of publication’s hurling reciprocal plaudits on its clearly humble composition. “This could be the first truly great adaptation” they stated. “A sleeper hit worthy of its cherished literary peer” bespoke another. Well if their claiming its good, then it’s defiantly something we should avoid. Because when has anyone in the games industry ever accurately interpreted the quality of a game from deceptive previews? Curse you Shadow of Mordor!
My initial appraisal of it as being a nothing but a flawed, benign approximation that violates the thematic duality and parallelism of Tolkien’s work for a less sophisticated narrative, typified by the revenge premise and investment in exulting a mirth of combative tyranny and abundant violence was flagrantly misguided. Now dutifully rescinded by the universal admiration lavished on Shadows amiably adapted perspective. Now I find that I’m internally weeping, augmented by the incessant solidarity of gamers that have conformed to the same primary function of aggravating me, by exchanging their own admiration for its fortuitous accession. “Oh well this so cool!” “Yeah I know, who knew Mordor had so much to offer?” “Yeah. You’d have to be stupid not to buy this game!” Shut up! I hate you all you ridiculously observant and well-informed jerks! You’re the suckiest sucks that ever sucked!……I have done really well over the course of the year; spending money only when it was drastically necessary, and reserving funds for the top quality games pending release. My imposed retention’s only yielded with the acquisition of WatchDog’s, before months later purchasing Destiny; 2 mildly entertaining games that never really warranted premeditated orders. Never listen to a word I have to say ever again people, because now their finally is a game worth getting, and I can’t afford it!
See if I care. You can keep your stupid little people and their…..big feet…..and…..and your stupid hairy wizards…….and little Vikings…….and……and……..and your even stupider (it is a word!) power rings! Because I don’t care. Nope. So…..so……neeerrr! *Humph*
Did you get Shadow of Mordor? And if so…….shut up! I don’t want to know you stupid head!