Trapped in the confines of emitting depravity, caused by the refutable influence and duplicitous endeavours of that gluttonous old saint Nick; Christmas remedial influence recedes back into the illicit tomes of fantasy. The tapestry of Christmas is so richly woven that as soon as the last bauble or elaborately garnished tinsel is forcibly pushed back into the bulging receptacle, there’s an immediate sensation of loss. You become so enveloped by the flamboyant servitude of the holidays that the perpetual buoyancy of it leaves you bereft of activities. Now the grandeur of the Christmas tree that was once the embellishment of jovial adolescence, becomes the solemnity of elapsed time and the errancy of your now stationary apathy. It’s isolated presence is now an offensive representation of Christmas, with the bleak nudity of its branches once laden with baubles and conglomerate of adorning accessories, is diminished by the latency of the curvature vibrancy is somehow indecent. The defiled implements of Christmas now lay strewn across the household; with board games extrapolated from unknown origins to surplus confectionery, an aberration of meats and poultry and other consumables cluttering up your fridge. Yes the festive period is over, relinquishing to dormancy for another annual leaving the acrid residue of decay and ushering you back to desultory normality, hermetic seclusion and social derision. Damn my impoverished countenance during my winter of discontent as I sup from the icy, melancholic chalice of destitution and succumb to the paralysis of my pronounced depression.
Wait a minute! This is no way to instigate the advent of prospective year of gaming expansion. 2014 is the year of deliverance from the sustained purgatory that has afflicted the next propagation of consoles, soon to feel the admonished retaliations for its negligent abstinence of quality titles. Oh PlayStation, how can I count the ways I love thee? Well Watch Dogs, Dark Souls 2, inFamous: Second Son, The Elder Scrolls Online, Destiny, The Evil Within, Driveclub, The Order: 1886, MGS5, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, Final Fantasy XV and…Oh there was something else Too? What was it again? It probably isn’t that important. It is however critical to state that we illuminate these titles with cursory supposition, taught, analytical expectancy, meditative assimilation of information and perhaps mandatory cynicism. 2013 is perfectly lamentable and I would be discourteous in my summations if I didn’t recognise the crucial impact of the transpired years affable quality that ameliorated 2012’s convulsive, distributive variety. It’s pivotal that we retain adequate reflections on our expectation, but less judicial appraisals so as not to embellish or diminish the anticipation of exciting titles, either confirmed or pending. But I’m just being pedantic (because I can damn it). Where our application needs immediate consideration is 1: Generating enough nubile energy to play such an abundance of games. 2: Excavating sufficient funds to purchase said titles.
So here’s my proposition; I’m assembling a modest team to infiltrate my local jewellery store and procure as many diamonds, Ruby’s and other expensive minerals as we can pilfer. I require a driver (own vehicle preferable), with previous F1 experience and furry dice on the mirror. Someone with ballistic expertise (or just someone with a big gun) that can handle security, pretentious customers and pensioners. And finally someone who can pick locks and hack purportedly impenetrable mainframes, integrated with windows vista. I’ll be undertaking the meticulous activity of brewing tea and watching from a safe distance. You’ll receive fair compensation on successful completion with 20% of the procured goods, shared amongst you obviously. This is a verbally binding document that is non-negotiable. I’ll be holding open auditions at my neutral venue this Friday, where for your own discretion, its advisable to disguise yourself in knitwear to cover any distinguishing features that could leave you susceptible for identification. In the interest of maintaining your anonymity you will each be given separate pseudonyms, categorised into colours, though unfortunately Mr Peach Puff is taken. Hot beverages and custard creams will be provided (2 biscuits per person). Look forward to hearing from you.
OH! UNCHARTED! That was the other game.
Has the deficit of games on the next-gen left you disappointed? Or where you prepared for this? Let me know your thoughts and all the best for 2014!