Right that’s it, this metaphoric tether can longer be stretched to accommodate my fractured, unstabilised mind. That ominous, reticulated thud you hear reverberating through this article, similar in auditory pronunciation as Richard Branson’s wallet thumping heavily on the floor, is the petulant sound of my foot descending, colliding with certitude and vibrating with admirable intent to deliver puristic justification for my antagonism, against the worlds insatiable lust for mobile gaming. I understand entirely the flexibility of a mobile device, the relevance and convenient application of gaming while in transit; whether being used as a distraction from a tenuous journey or simply as the only means of satisfaction that can be attained due to your deficient localised access to your superior, home entertainment system, both are legitimate reasons. But the practicality of gaming on such insufficient sustenance for ocular amusement is seldom exhibited. Everything is smaller, in a scale that only benefits the most dexterous and nimble digits, or the borrowers. It just can’t match the intensified potency, refined power or visual benevolence of its bolder and more generously proportioned siblings.
There’s a regurgitated ferocity that compels this highly motivated rant against the mobility of technology. It’s a systemic defiance that debilitate’s rational manipulation of my faculties, that contributes provocation to my deep revulsion of delicate buttons, often accompanied by deft, swift finger jolts on a touch screen or tilted guidance of the device so a simulated ball is coerced into the appropriate direction, which makes any amusement a subjective augmentation and wholly dependant on the obstacles immediately within the vicinity. It’s an awkward predisposed distraction, that requires increased awareness of your environment, rather than a game deserving of your full, unhindered concentration. Even without the volatile anomalies of contentious adolescents and the unpredictability of elderly pensioners, regularly spluttering and demonstrating their deteriorating spacial awareness, as they repeatedly nudge you, laboured by their euphoric inducing supplements rationed periodically at their own disposition, concealed in their bag for life, to prevent unscrupulous citizens pilfering their prescribed medication–probably from the aforementioned youths. You then have to negotiate the visual impairment that is the sporadic excuse of a screen, devoid of clarity or detail. “Oh wow! Look how undefined and insignificant my character looks”. I know this may seem irrelevant provocation, potentially antagonistic condemnation of one of its most attractive propositions, but why settle for inferiority?
There’s an inherent lack of understanding when implementing mobile functionality with games, especially with the ornate battery being consumed swifter than liquor in the hands of Oliver Reed, trapped in a brewery, despite the obvious mortal impurity that afflicts him. Perhaps my blunt aversion can be attributed to popularity, because the a concise application has proven effective among the casual, and I’m hesitant–even agitated to suggest that this is the appropriate vernacular–but casual “gamer”. Expeditions on public transport in modern society is a collective mesh of people’s faces partially illuminated in an obnoxious bright glow, with features grimacing in concentration, striving to retain vertical stabilisation in the process, while attempting to position themselves in a stance that reduces the sudden jolts and involuntary stumbling contrary to the locomotive’s oppressive manoeuvring. I’ll admit that the motility and simple accessibility offers a brief respite from nauseating boredom of transitional periods, but despite (apparently) extensive research that suggests that more people than ever are gaming, the majority of these individuals questioned, probably wouldn’t consider themselves to be gamers. And for good reason.
Many would look at you incredulously, flustered by such an outrages personal slander of their character, with a gasp that allow’s the comfortably fitted monocle to slip from the embracing clasp of their socket, no doubt resting comfortably on the Persian rug with a minimum spillage of brandy affectionately clasped in one hand, allowing them to retaliate to such presumptions with anguished aversion to such juvenile insinuations. There’s nothing highbrow about mobile gaming; your coercing colorfully plumed birds to crash vindictively into to unsuspecting green pigs, via an elaborate slingshot mechanism. Your not establishing global, economic stability or deducing the missing strands for a simulated cure for some arbitrary viral infection. You can’t be defined as a gamer because you’ve diligently cultivated your virtual crops in time for harvesting, that’s not real gaming. You don’t get the same compulsive sensations that you get with consoles/PC. The adrenaline that courses through your thumbs as you battle the undead at 2am, surrounded by various assortment of discarded food products whose nutritional requirements are cursory, though still amorously consumed with minimum deviation from your assertive virtual dominance, averting your gaze chiefly to discriminate the accelerated lapse of time. Until your suddenly aware that it’s 6:30, are appraised of the confining rigidity of your underwear, prior to shedding your former, needless attire. Blinking erratically with irritable confusion at the suns vibrant intrusion, before finally distinguishing the correlation between those suspiciously placed digits on your clock and their relevance. Parched, lethargic, perspiration excreting like a broken tap, you demonstrate athleticism that even Usain Bolt would envy in a vain attempt to get to work on time. That is gaming! A complete loss of time, totally enveloped by the compulsion of your exploits.
Do you enjoy mobile gaming? What do you consider to be gaming? If such a term can be defined. Let me know what you guys think. Cheers.